Tuesday, February 16 -- Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday)
Late Morning
Yesterday was just too full to write. Took the kids swimming at the Super 8 Motel in the morning. Great fun. Ordered pizzas in the room and stayed until 1:00. Felt like a mini-vacation. On the three-mile drive home, Nick got puny and threw up twice. Amazing how gross a car seat can become. Lots more laundry. We all napped hard in the afternoon and then the day was all about getting ready for the school week, Pat making turkey stock, me writing.
Today we're all back to school and work. I went to Mass this morning with Sakura and the other four birthday girls (finally!) gave their money for Haiti to the pastor. He was lovely about it, complimenting the girls and talking with them about the need of the children in Haiti. I especially liked that he promised very solemnly that he would be sure that the money got to those children. Bless his heart.
I'm ready for Lent. I've put on weight since the children moved in. Less time for dedicated exercise and more carbs around. And my home feels bloated, too. There is, naturally, more stuff with the addition of three more people. But so much! I think it bugs them, too. And yet, Nick worries a lot about his things, clutching his little cars -- always a different one or two -- as he goes about his activities. He loves bags and boxes to carry his things in. Matt doesn't care so much and Sakura seems to have a normal concern for her things -- not too much or too little. But, still, there are a lot of clothes, toys, papers from school.
I've been thinking about what to do for Lent. I want to take less and give more -- in every area of life: food, energy, attention, money, compassion. Consume less, produce more. Eat less, move more. (ELMM -- not a bad prescription for weight loss that!) I'm thinking of making it a kind of game --challenging myself to see how little I can get by on while, at the same time, living a generous, celebratory life. I'll let you know how it goes! Meanwhile, Laissez les Bon Temps Roulez! Or, as we say, Woohoo!
Saturday, February 13
Evening
A perfect Saturday. Daddy and Mommy (!) showed up at 7:00 so that we could join our walking friends at the trail. I walked two miles -- still can't do more with this bum ankle -- and Pat did four. Then coffee and scones with friends and Mannwells, followed by recycling, a trip to MFA, Schnucks, and lunch together at the BreadCo where Pat beat me soundly in Scrabble. Home by 1:00. Pat's sister Kathy and Mom Shortal came about 1:30 and we spent a most pleasant afternoon together. They stayed for a supper of homemade soup and cheese bread and then went on their way to beat the snow. Nick to bed by 6:30 -- he was wiped -- and the other two followed by 8:00. Satisfying day.
Friday, February 12
Morning
Warning! I feel a rant coming on.
Okay, Faithful Friend Reader, you remember that Sakura and her four winter birthday classmates had their party last Sunday and, in lieu of presents, asked for donations for Haiti. They collected about $650 and some money came in throughout the week. One mom created a donation box that was really cute -- will post a pic as soon as I have one -- hearts and glitter and captioned, "We Send Our Love to Haiti."
Seeing that box -- a clear visual that incorporates Valentines and Love and Generosity and the children of Haiti, who we, in the cold, but still comfy, Midwest could forget -- I thought maybe the girls could carry it up in the offertory procession at a school Mass. Father liked the idea. The DRE (Director of Religious Education) liked the idea. I called the moms and they liked idea and at least one made arrangements to get off work to be at today's Mass.
Then the DRE had second thoughts. Called me with concerns that other kids have done similar parties and given money to the Humane Society  or Exceptional Equestrians, that others might want to do the same in the future, that feelings will be hurt, that -- and this is what sticks in my head (and craw) -- things will get "out of control."
What things, I wonder, will get out of control? Generostiy? The desire to participate at Mass? The connection between the Mass and the rest of  our lives?
What if every single week, a child came forward with some act of generosity and wanted to celebrate it at Mass? Unlikely, but even then, would things really get out of control?
And the money is not going to a place the children can visit, but to Haiti by way of the Catholic Relief Service for whom we had a special collection just weeks ago!  Their connection is their parish church. Or could be. Arrrggghhhh!!!!!
Deep Breath.
End of rant.
Sigh.

Noon
Okay, maybe not totally the end of my rant.
People need ritual. We need to ritualize everything -- committed love, saying goodbye, giving. Yes, it's more efficient and probably gets us more money, if folks just arrange for an automatic deduction from their bank account right to the parish coffers.  But ... what about the ritual of giving? The act of putting the offering into the collection basket and praying for the beneficiaries?
Just so with our little first-graders. I've got checks and cash for Haiti. How should we give it? I suppose I could just stick it in an envelope, but ... yuck! Shouldn't the children have the experience of making an offering in the context of prayer for the people they are giving to?

Evening
Well, I'm tempted to delete today's rant, but perhaps it's a good idea to post a sample of my shadow side. This is the kind of thing that once preoccupied me way too much. In any case, it's all settled. The girls will present their gift to Father after Mass on Tuesday and if he doesn't smile and tell them "Good Job!" I'll just have to punch him, charitably, of course.
Finally got the pics from Sunday's party. Posting two here.
The school part of the sugar feast is over. They came home so high that they just chased each other around and around and AROUND for an hour. Then crashed. All in bed now and sleeping soundly. I'm soon to follow.
Wednesday, February 10
Late Night
The end of a long, busy day. Pat took all three kids this morning. I stayed  home until about 10:00 doing nothing but preparing for Daddy to bring the kids home this evening. Pajamas, food, etc. Met eight other choir members at 11:00 to set up for the choir's winter potluck dinner. Picked up Sakura at 1:00 and took her too lunch at Steak 'n' Shake and then grocery shopping. To Friend Mary's by 3:00  where Daddy AND Mommy picked her up and took her to gymnastics, then the boys from daycare and to our house for their supper together. I stayed with Mary dozing and watching a movie, then to the dinner, which was a great time. Home late. Prep for tomorrow.
I'm getting pretty good at the whole clothes, backpack, winter coat, hat, gloves thing, but it takes a bit of time, especially when the kids have a lot of papers to go through -- which they did not today.
Which reminds me -- Sakura's Accelerated Reading (AR) scores were sent home today, indicating that she reads at a 2.7 (second grade, seventh month) level and should be challenged to read up to 3.4. 92nd percentile. Bless her little smartie heart.
Tomorrow Pat and I were supposed to go into St. Louis together, but he just needs a day at home. Still not well and on round four or five of antibiotics for a sinus infection. It's so wearing on him. So, I'm going to drive in myself to work with Friend Peter in the morning and then come home early enough to pick up the kids. Truthfully, I prefer that to being away from them two nights in a row.
It's almost tomorrow. Time to wrap it up and sleep. Prayers for Friend Kathy in the hospital. I really miss her.f
Photos I took this morning while feeding: Our Winter Garden; Goats Maggie and Lovey (named by Sakura) in front of their shed; Alex the Dog in front of the wood shed; our old log cabin, now Pat's tool shed, but maybe someday a cool playhouse, get-away for the kids? It was my office back when the sons were home and has electric and a phone line. Put an outhouse nearby and somebody could have a real cozy spot.
Tuesday, February 9
Late Morning
No school today - snow. Pleasant morning. All three kids wanted to go out and we figured we'd better grab the sun before the clouds blow in again. Getting a two-year-old ready for outdoors is a cartoon. There must be some algebraic equation for the amount of time it takes to get on a snowsuit, boots, gloves, hat, scarf and the amount of time they are actually outside.
I don't want to forget last night. Sakura found a CD that Daddy made for me as a birthday gift some years ago. She and the boys and, finally, Papa and I, danced in the living room. It was so lovely.
She was wearing her new outfit from the maternal grandparents. They sent a box of things for the kids - toy cars for the boys, coloring books and candy for all three, outfits for Sakura. Very sweet of them. I know they miss their grandkids, although they only saw them once or twice a year.
It must be hard to know that we have them.
But about sugar -- sugar and screen-time, particularly violent and vulgar shows -- I feel like part of our role here is supervising a detox regimen. I thought it would be easier, once the kids lived with us, and it is to a degree, but still there are so many opportunities out there to stuff oneself full of poison, for both the body and the mind.
In Mommy's family there is serious obesity and diabetes with heartbreaking attempts to diet and otherwise cope with the problem. But there seems to be no awareness of what led to the problem in the first place and so children are allowed to park in front of the TV and stuff themselves with bags of sweets.
Daddy is a peaceful man who brings a lot of calm to the disabled people he used to care for and who is sought out as a person of kindness by his friends. And yet he thinks nothing about showing his children the most violent and vulgar movies.
Why? What is wrong that we don't see the connections? I feel like such a grinch when boxes of sweets come in the mail and I have to say, "Just one and then we put the rest away." (In fact, I give it away or throw it away as they don't ask for it when it's out of their sight.)
But consider this: medicine dosage is based on weight. Sakura weighs a third of what I do. (Okay, yes I'm lying just a bit here, but deal with it.) One candybar for her would be like me eating three, right? Three cookies for her is like nine for me. Six ounces of juice is like 18 ounces for me. And so on.
Okay, enough of my rant. It's too sunny out to rant.
Photos: Sakura and homwork doldrums; All three with lollipops from the other grandparents; Sakura and Papa dancing.
Sunday, February 7
Evening
An inspired day. Sometimes you just make the right plans and the right decisions. Today I took Sakura to Mass, then brunch at BreadCo, each of us with our laptops -- she LOVED it. Then to Planet Gym for her class birthday party where she and the other four winter birthday girls collected $650 to donate to the Children of Haiti because, "We don't need stuff; they do." Pat took Nick to the train show in St. Charles and they had a ball and Friend John cared for Matt. All three kids got their own adult for the day -- very cool.
After the party, Sakura and I came home to get 6 quarts of milk for Aunt Florence, picked up Matt, and then drove to Sr. Judy's to meet Florence and deliver her milk. It was a beautiful drive in the country, the hills so bright with sun on snow.
We all arrived home by 4:30, baths, stew and cornbread for supper and early bed. A full, blest day. Looks like it could be a snow day tomorrow. I think we're all ready for routine, but ... we take what we get, eh?

Saturday, February 6
Afternoon
An easy morning. Pat is not coughing! Kids are well. I am keeping them inside because of the cold wind. Just don't want Sakura to miss her birthday party tomorrow or the boys to miss anymore school. Or any of us to be sick! So tired of that business.
After breakfast of oatmeal, waffles and bacon, the boys played in their room - very nicely! - and Sakura and I made valentines. I had the supplies all together waiting for a time we could do it. Great fun.
Pat and I are heading out for a grown-up afternoon - library, maybe a walk, 4:30 choir mass and dinner afterwards at Aldos, the local Italian joint.
Just had to settle an altercation between Sakura and Nick. They are both upstairs for Read&Rest and I heard Nick whining and crying. Turns out Sakura was hiding some little car from him that he wanted. Danger is a meltdown that will wake Matt. And it's so silly and mean-spirited of Sakura. So I took away my small laptop which is her special treat at R&R time. Hate to do it, but meanness is just so unnecessary. How do you raise a compassionate child?

Friday, February 5
Noon
I can't believe it's been five days since I've updated this GranDiary. Writing my column, ministering to sick kids and Pat, who caught another cold, choir practice and prayer service, driving around well kids, laundry, life -- all have kept me busy. Also trying to do a bit more cooking from scratch. Baked cookies yesterday - two batches - that old standby chocolate chip and I'm working on the secret to the perfect shortbread cookie. I may have found it -- brown sugar and a bit of baking powder. Only problem is I consumed about 1000 calories as I was testing. Sigh.
I'm not the cook Pat is, but we do try to cook without boxes and cans and packages as much as possible. For one thing, it's tremendously cheaper! And healthier. And more satisfying to eat food that tastes like food. But it's not always easier.
Today all of us are home. School wasn't canceled, but now the public schools are calling for early dismissal as it snows and snows. Sakura has a cough today -- came to our bed and coughed all night. Matt is a bit sniffy. Nick feels pretty good after finishing a dose of antibiotics for pneumonia.
This is starting to feel like The Long Winter. I loved the Little  House books when I was young -- still love them -- but Laura's perspective is very different from her mother's I'm pretty sure.
Right now all three kids are upstairs. I let Sakura take our CD player and they're listening together to a read-along book. God bless her! She can be very good with the boys at times.
I'd best get lunch on -- Pat's chicken soup and bruschetta, thanks to Friend Judy  who gifted us with the makings. Is there any better gift than food?
Must go out later to pick up prescription cough meds for Pat. Actually looking forward to getting out in the snow a bit, although driving will probably be a little iffy.
Tried to take some pics of the snow, but hard to capture the beauty of thick, falling snow against the dark trees. These two taken from the house -- one out back and one to the west where you can see the garden. First picture taken yesterday -- of our chickens who had apparently called a meeting of some sort. They're gathered in the birches and redwood dogwood just west of our house.

Evening
All in all a pretty good day. Something peaceful about being house-bound. Pat has been knocked out with his cold. I did get out to Walgreens to pick up some prescription cough meds for him. He coughed all last night and often today. The babes all seem well. Even let Sakura play outside for a while before supper. She built a family of snow-persons and just trounced around out there. She misses someone to play with. I went out several times to throw snowballs with her and help build the snow-people, but I was also bathing the boys and making supper at the time. Sure miss Pat's energy. And his cooking! Although my spaghetti and chicken with a light garlic butter sauce was pretty good.
Monday, February 1 - Sakura is Seven Today
Morning
Last night's birthday dinner was pretty okay. Sakura was charming as she opened her presents. Daddy and Mommy showed up. They did not have a present for her and I did something I said I wasn't going to do. Sakura had asked Mommy for a Snuggi -- one of those blanket things with arms
-- a pink one. I heard Mommy promise it to her. I suspected she wouldn't come through and I picked one up and had it ready. I was just going to give it to her myself, but realized that was a bit mean and certainly not what Sakura was hoping for. She wanted, not only the Snuggi, but something from Mommy. So ... I brought Mommy to my study, showed it to her, let her write out a card and give it to Sakura as her present. I suppose that's enabling or something, but I did it mostly for Sakura. Seven is a hard age to learn the truth about your Mom.
And what is the truth anyway? I was thinking the other day about the outrageous self-centeredness of children. You can be up to your elbows in a poopy diaper, or tending to a hurt and screaming baby, or taking a hot heavy tray of something out of the oven, and if the child wants you ... well, they Want You! Nevermind what you're doing.
I got to wondering how much I'm like that. How often have I demanded something -- or wanted to demand it  -- from someone whose life I simply cannot understand. Maybe Mommy and Daddy are doing the best they can. Their best isn't good enough to raise thriving children, but ... they do love them.
Pat said I should write about "Celebrity Mom" syndrome. I admit, it's a bit ... irritating? frustrating? jealous-making? Mommy shows up on special days and the babes are all over her, wanting to sit next to her at dinner, and so on. Mommy and Daddy are respectful, telling the kids to "ask Nana" if they want something out of the ordinary, but still! I guess it's inevitable. And at the end of the day, the babes are happy to go to bed with us reading to them, tucking them in, and saying their night prayers with them.
Sometimes love is standing by as they direct their affections elsewhere.
This morning I took Sakura's birthday snack to her class -- fruit kabobs with marshmallows. Kids loved 'em. Teachers did, too. The routine is that Sakura and a friend she chooses distribute the snack and then get to take the leftovers to other teachers. Sakura and her friend, Audrey, were chatting about why the teachers seems to love these fruit kabobs. They concluded that most of them were on a diet and appreciated the fruit. Too funny.
Pat is taking Nick and Matt to the doc this morning. Nick has a fever and Matt is sniffing, so we're checking out their ears and throats. Bless Pat for doing it. My May/June column for the Liguorian is due in a week so best get perking.
Sunday, January 31
Early Afternoon
A lull in a busy day. 9:00 Mass, picked up fried chicken from Droege's Grocery, cake from the bakery, dropped off Girl Scout Cookie order form, then home for lunch and now R&R. Pat, Nick, Matt and Friend Mary are dozing. Sakura is on the little laptop and I'm doing this and then plan to walk in the bee-you-tee-full sunshine.
We'll have family birthday dinner this evening -- Grandpa Bob - 73 on January 5; Nate - 25 on January 12; Friend of the family, Aunt Florence - 7? on January 27; and Sakura - 7 on February 1. A pleasant occasion and a lovely day to celebrate - blue skies, crisp air, snow still on the ground.
Tomorrow also marks 5 months that the kids have lived here. Wow.
Friend Bethany wrote: "It is what you don't write that somehow makes me ache for you all.  I wonder about your daughter-in-law, your son....the feeling of failure?  Relief? Rage?  I wonder about your energy for rescuing children from birth families that don't work....what Karma you are working on..burning and earning. Paige,  I just can't imagine what you have accepted....and the cheer you bring to it.  I stand in awe and a bit in shock."
I don't write about the hard stuff so much, I guess. I want to protect the parents at least a little -- and the children, too. And I don't want to show how hard it is sometimes. Like the poop business. I get angry -- really ANGRY -- sometimes. I don't want to be that angry. And sometimes I'm just tired or resentful. And I do feel guilty, like I somehow failed in raising my son that he could become someone who couldn't provide for his children.
At other times it is really a joy having these three children so close to us.  A lot of balancing is required. Today during Mass I felt a bit off-balance - literally - every time I stepped up on my little podium to direct. I felt like I could fall. And I realized, I'm not exercising -- no walking, no strength training, no stretching - nothing. I need to incorporate this in my daily routine if I'm going to care for these children properly. And stay balanced myself.
Meanwhile, today is a happy day. Hope it is at your house, too.
Saturday, January 30
Afternoon
Awoke to snow. Only a couple of inches, but it's so beautiful. Sakura came down at 6:30, dressed in many layers and said, "Oh Nana, I'm so glad I'm not sick." She couldn't wait to get out in it. Nick, on the other hand, is our hothouse flower - happy to stay near the fire. We'll all go out later and get some snow pics.
We canceled out of our walking group. Just too fun to stay home with the kids and play and, besides, we weren't sure about the driving.
Photos: Sakura dressed for outside; Nana getting Matthew dressed for outdoors -- a longish task; Papa with Matt and Nick; Goats loving the snow; Chickens not so much; Nana with Alex the Dog and Kids - the bilibos make good sleds.
Quiet afternoon with all enjoying R&R - Read and Rest. Full moon tonight - may do a bonfire and a bit of howling.

Evening
It was a perfect evening. "Breakfast Supper" of bacon, eggs, toast and orange quarters. The oranges are a gift from Friend Judy who gets them from her friend in Florida. They taste like the real thing! Then we went outside to the rising full moon and sat around a bonfire. The kids toasted marshmallows and played in the snow. Such great fun. A lot of dressing to get out there and then the boys' feet still get so cold, but all good. When we came in they were so sleepy that they were practically falling over as I put them in their PJs. All are asleep after a book, song and prayers.
I'm so grateful for Pat. Our lives here are like most people try to find on vacation. He makes it easy. Playing in the snow, good homegrown, home-cooked food, watching the moon rise while warming oneself around a fire -- and warming onself inside with hot toddys. Hmmm. It's a good life.
Tomorrow is busy -- and Sakura's last day of being six. Tonight I prayed with her in gratitude for a great year six and for a good year seven. Amen. Night All. Happy Sunday.
Wednesday, January 27
Morning
Well, we're back in the Potty Wars. Nick has been dependably pooping in the potty since early December and even gave up his reward of 3 M&Ms per poop. On Saturday he pooped in his pants. And Sunday. And Monday. And yesterday. What happened Saturday? Daddy showed up at the door without the promised Mommy. He's such an unhappy boy. He just doesn't understand why Mommy has totally abandoned him. I will never again say she's coming until I see her face. Meanwhile, I guess it's back to M&Ms.
Sakura's family birthday dinner is Sunday and of couse she wants Mommy to come. If she doesn't come there will be few minutes of disappointment, followed by a good time. If she does come, there will be tension and awkwardness, followed by an hour or more of tears when it's time to say Goodbye, possibly followed by a day or two of regression to baby talk. What to do?
I really don't want to exclude anyone from family gatherings in my house. We have always had an open-door policy. But ... maybe holidays and special days are not the best times to make an appearance.
I am so very, very, VERY tired of their drama infecting my home. Must put up a shield.
Photo of Nick after Pat gelled his hair. I think he looks sad ... but he was pretty proud of his hair!

Tuesday, January 26
Noon
Writing from BreadCo where I've been working all morning on a script for a conference in April. Great work with husband Pat, my friend and partner, Peter, and his talented daughter, Mara. We'll be in Florida for six days. What about the Littles? We've worked it out with some good friends who will stay at our house with them. Whole different thing now, leaving town, even leaving for the day.
Daddy is with them today as we needed an extra day of childcare and, without his financial contribution (since he lost his job), we decided to call on him. He' s usually so punctual, but this morning he was late, making Nick late for school and Pat rush in to work. Not a happy situation. It seems as we break one promise, we start breaking them all until the whole house of cards collapses.
Got an email from Friend Linda who is in Khazakstan adopting her second daughter. Photo at left -- Olivia with her little sister, Aliyah Josephine. What an adventure for them.
Reminds me of adopting our boys. However a child enters your heart, there is no exit. They stay there, lodged firm even when they mess up.
Oh, a cool thing -- the five winter birthday girls in Sakura's grade are combining their birthday party at Planet Gymanstics on February 7 -- a Super Bowl Birthday Bash. And they've all agreed to forego presents, instead asking their classmates to donate what they would pay for five gifts to the Children of Haiti. I'm so proud of them. Sakura just said, "I get presents at home."
Sunday, January 24
Evening
A pleasant Sunday. Kids ready in plenty of time for Church. Home with Friend Mary for brunch, Scrabble, laundry folding, supper prep. I cooked tonight -- spaghettie and meatballs, salad, garlic bread. I got a 45 minute walk in. Big news is that the three kids are not coughing, even when active. Finally warmed up enough for them to play outside and, if you look closely at the photo you can see ... sun! Pat still gets coughing fits that take him over, but he's on the mend, too. Thank Heavens!
Looking forward to a routine week. Lots of writing. Hope all stay well.
Saturday, January 23
Afternoon
Grown-up Day -- Woohoo! Pat and I joined our walking group at 8:00 -- I did two miles, he did two-and-a-half. I need to get back to doing at least two miles a day. Then coffee with the crowd, a little shopping at Encore -- our parish's resale shop (pants and sweater for Pat) -- and now at Borders. Planning on a movie -- UP IN THE AIR -- this afternoon, quick sandwich supper somewhere and home in time to put the kids to bed.
Daddy is with them today. Mommy was supposed to be there, but called in sick. Heartbreaking to watch the kids run to the door, expecting to see both parents and yelling, "Mommy, Daddy!" only to find Daddy. They recovered pretty fast -- Sakura by turning to me for a hug. The boys called me Mommy when they said Goodbye.
I like to research the current Writers Market while at Borders. Been working on the outline of the article mentioned yesterday. I need to find grandparents raising grandchildren who are willing to be interviewed. If you know of anyone on either coast or in the south, that would help. I have a lot of contacts in the midwest. Also looking for families where drugs or job loss is an issue. Let me know if you know of anyone or send them a link to this GranDiary. Thanks.

Friday, January 22
Morning
Today is the anniversary of Roe v Wade, a day when many from our community are in Washington, DC to make their stand for life. It's a worthy cause, although the issue is more complicated than a placard can express. I don't believe complications warrant the taking of human life -- in any form. Yet as we raise three children whose parents could not care for them -- parents who are essentially good, non-abusive people who wanted their children and love them still -- I wonder about the fate of millions of unwanted children without anyone to take them in and love them.
Like I said, it's complicated. Meanwhile, prayers for those who never saw the light and prayers for those seeking the light today.
Home with Pat and the boys today. Nick and Matt have played well together, with the occasional spat over a toy truck or jeep or particular train car. There's one they call "Pusher" and it excites many strong emotions. I don't get it.
Still no sun.
A favor: I'm working out an idea for an article on grandparents raising grandchildren. It will be both first-person experience and interviews with several others in the same situation. I'd like to include folks from different regions of the country and also those raising grandchildren for different reasons -- drug abuse, job loss, military service, divorce, and so on.
If you or someone you know is raising their grandchildren -- or great grandchildren -- please drop me a line (click here) and tell me where you live and the basic circumstances that led to your situation. Then I can decide if an interview would be worthwhile. If you want to remain anonymous, I can do that. If that's not a concern and a photo is available of you and your grands, that would be awesome. Sooner the better -- lead time for national mags is pretty far out and I'm pitching this for Grandparents Day - September 12, 2010.
Thursday, January 21
Morning
Another good morning. All out in plenty of time with a minimum of complaint. None at all from Sakura and Matthew. A bit of whining and protest about teeth brushing from Nick that put him in TimeOut for 30 seconds, after which I think he decided he LIKED TimeOut so we did it for two more rounds. At the end of the third round when he still wouldn't brush his teeth, I said, "If we have to do it four times, the rule is I remove your toy." Whoa Baby. He jumped up, all smiles, "Okay Nana!" So we all got out with no rushing and on time. Yayyyy.
Photo at left is of Nick wearing his new soccer outfit -- Christmas gift from Friend and Godmother Ann. Notice the green basket on the counter? Nick LOVES containers. He's always carrying around toys in baskets, bags, purses (Yes, purses!), whatever will hold his toys of the moment. They change every day, but he becomes very attached. Last night I came home from choir practice and found that he had gone to bed with that green basket full of fire trucks and little plastic fire fighters. I removed it from his bed to make room for him. Mistake! He awoke about 2:00 AM crying and then yelling because he couldn't find his toys. I let him get up and find them, hoping he wouldn't wake Sakura and Matt. I was afraid if I went up to him I'd be violent. Jeeessshhh!
Nick has always been like this with his stuff. In his old house, things would get lost and Matthew took his things. In our house Matthew takes his things. And Nick has lost a lot - his parents, his old house, his old school. Who can blame him for holding on to his fire truck?
Quizzed Sakura on her way to school -- spelling words and religion test. They're learning the Golden Rule. Now there's a lifetime project!
Oh, a cool thing: My first book is published. A real book. LIVE LENT AT HOME from Liguori Publications. Not a barn-burner, but, HEY, it's a book -- with my name on it. Yahooo.
Wednesday, January 20
Morning
A totally different morning! Last night we briefed all three kids on what kind of morning we wanted. Then, as I said night prayers with each one, I asked God to bless our morning. We let them wake on their own - which was only 15 minutes later - and they got up bright-eyed and perky. Sakura set the tone, very efficient with her dressing and grooming and making her own car breakfast and morning snack. Nick had to be put in TimeOut once, but I did it very quickly, as soon as there was the sound of a whine, and then he cuted up. All on time to school. Lots fewer tears.
A ReaderFriend wrote about her use of TimeOut. I do believe in it. It's totally non-violent and a natural consequence to anti-social behavior -- that is, removing them from society. It also allows for cooling off for all parties. I set the timer -- for no more than 60 seconds -- and let the timer be their release, after which we go right back to the activity they were protesting in the first place -- potty, dressing, sharing, etc.
When the kids first came to live with us, Matt, who is two, threw horrible tantrums -- screaming, throwing himself around, banging his head on the floor. I stopped saying anything to him when he did this and just picked him up and placed him on the step. After a while, I could just say "step" - no lectures - and he would stomp over and sit down. Sometimes he puts himself in TimeOut when he feels a tantrum coming on. He doesn't throw them anymore at all.
Wish all fixes were so simple. Any ideas out there about whining? Nick whines a LOT and I realized yesterday that we don't even know what Matt's voice sounds like -- he's always whining. Today I did get him to say NO in what I think is his normal voice.
More drama: Daddy lost his job yesterday. His failure was administrative rather than care-giving -- he is, or was, a care-giver to adults with disabilities. But it was his second failure within a few weeks so they let him go -- after more than five years. I won't make excuses for him, but he did seem very good at his job, always on time, well-liked, very conscientious with the residents.
I'm sorry for him, but I am weary of the drama and intend to stay out of it. I hope this leads to something for him -- as I do with all of their steps backwards. I suppose it's a good wish for all of us -- learn from our mistakes, make amends, and move on.
Anyone out there seen the sun? It's been weeks here.
Tuesday, January 19
Morning
Okay, explain this to me. For four days we're out of school and the kids are up every morning before 6:30 -- bright, happy, getting themselves dressed, fixing their own breakfast. Today is school and it's the Morning from the Bad Place. Jeeesh! At one point I had all three in time out on the step, Nick without any pants. Matt was whining, a habit we're trying to lose, but he reverted to Good Kid when he saw that his brother and sister were playing the roles of Demon 1 and Demon 2. Sakura had a meltdown over a couple of baseball card pics of fire engines that are Nick's latest prize possessions. Oh well, they all cuted up enough to get out the door with breakfast and kisses.
Forgot my phone today. Feels like I forgot my left arm. Actually reached for my phone to call someone to tell them I forgot my phone. The modern Nana.

Monday, January 18
Just Past Midnight
Yesterday was a satisfying day after a fun and restorative evening. Saturday the choir sang 4:30 Mass and afterwards we spent the evening with friends eating dinner and playing TABOO -- a game reminiscent of Password. We played until 11:30. Going to sleep after midnight when our three little alarms go off in the neighborhood of 6:00 AM is risky, but we managed.
Without Mass duties on Sunday, we took the kids to pick up Pat's mom and the six of us went to lunch at Crown Candy Kitchen in North St. Louis, after which we rode the escalators in Macy's and bought two much-needed skillets. Then a little grocery shopping at the Culinaria -- the downtown upscale Schnucks -- and drove to Pat's sister's to drop off Mom and visit a bit.
With kids the simplest errands are an adventure -- for them and for us. I'm getting better at outings. Idea for book title: "Thinking for Four." There are so many contingencies -- diapers, wipes, change of clothes, bibs, drink cups for the boys; heavier coats in case the weather turns. I've got it down to one small bag plus winter coats. Not bad. Car amusements are already in the car -- small doodles and an Etch-a-Sketch,  books and CDs with sing-along books. (The WEE-SING series is the best.)
That Thinking for Four doesn't stop with the packing. Keeping all safe and in forward motion when out of the car is an All-Eyes-All-Hands-Effort. Whew!
I finally articulated my issues with Mommy in our home. She and Daddy are not just jumping back into the same old patterns, but are working at developing healthier ways of relating. I need that, too. They've talked for hours about how they want things different, but came here as if nothing had changed. I need to step back and with Pat figure out what we need different in the relationship with them, or with him and her if their couple-ness doesn't last, and then tell them. I was feeling so hateful until I was able to frame it this way.
Today is a holiday for all, in memory of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Yesterday at Crown, there were several black customers seated near us and Matthew was staring. I'm not sure he's ever met an African-American person. I love our home and our community of friends, but I'm concerned about raising them in a single-race community. It's not a very true picture of the world.
High temp today is supposed to be 52 degrees. It's been cold and then damp so long and the kids have been sick so much that they've had almost no time outside since Christmas. I told Sakura that today we would let them put on mud clothes (our place is pretty yucky after all the wet) and play outside. She cuddled up to me and said, "Nana, you make the best plans." Alright!

Evening
A pleasant day. Remarkable how normal it seems to have three kids around all the time. We never did get to go outside much -- still too damp and cold for the kids with their coughs. I did let them ride their big wheels and scooters in the basement for a while this morning. Later, Nick and I made jello while Sakura did her Two facts and then she and I baked orange cranberry bread (mix from Trader Joes - it's okay), and homemade shortbread cookies. I'm trying out different recipes I find on the Net until I get one that's as good as Walkers. These are good, but a little doughy.
The Big Deal!!! of the day came after lunch and naps -- a tour of the Union Fire House. I called this morning and they suggested 3:00. Firefighter Greg spent quite a long time with us, showing us the trucks and the equipment. He called a junior Firefighter, Paul, to suit up and show us what all the gear looks like. Heavy! Literally. I put on a helmet and it felt like ten pounds on my head. (Pat refused to take a photo because he didn't want me to see myself with Chief as my title.) The coolest was a short ride on the fire engine around the parking lot and getting to hear all the sirens and horns from inside.
From there it was the carwash -- also a cool event  -- and then home for a quick supper of fish and mac 'n' cheese.
Note to self: Do NOT try to hide pieces of fish in Matt's mac 'n' cheese. He took a bite and threw up his entire dinner into his plate. Seconds anyone?
Baths, dessert of jello and shortbread and bed by 7:30.  Be good to return to routine tomorrow. Please God, keep everyone well!!! Amen.

Saturday, January 16
Morning
The day started at 5:00 when Sakura came down to our bed. She was coughing a bit, but got in between us and settled down for an hour or so. Next thing I knew, all three were down, Matt changed and dressed, Nick in the process of changing, Sakura dressed. She had put their pajamas in the dirty clothes basket, the wet diapers in the trash, and dressed them completely herself. She announced she was going to make breakfast and prepared scrambled eggs with cheese with almost no supervision, and then served breakfast to the boys, along with bananas and orange slices and saved enough for me and Pat. She's six! Seven on February 1.
Yesterday we worked on math facts and I realized she just isn't grasping what addition is about. I gave her a sheet of ones and she got half of them wrong, adding two instead. What she's doing, I think, is that she sees the answer right away and then adds another one. Finally, I just quizzed her aloud, "What's one more than 5; one more than 12; one more than 97 ...?" She got it. I'm hoping the same language works with the twos. Then it's rote memorization, I think. We'll see.
She's a bit resistant -- just like her daddy was! -- but I really want her to get this now or she'll struggle for the rest of her school days.
The photos:
Yesterday Sakura took a couple of green vegetable liners -- also left by Friend Judy -- and created a ladybug;
Last night before bed: Nick with trains Sakura with read along book THE FROG PRINCE as CD plays;
Matt putting on his pajamas -- I love his tenacity!
Matt and Papa having fun;
Sakura fixing breakfast.
Friday, January 15
Early Morning
Yesterday was all about a three-hour conference call for a job in April and doctor's appointments. I was supposed to spend the day in St. Louis doing a longer work session in person with my partner and friend, Peter. But Wednesday evening Sakura was puny and Matt has been cranky beyond even the most recalictrant of two-year-olds. Ear infection, it turns out. Doc is adding another five days to Sakura's antibiotic run and she's staying home from school today. With the Monday holiday, that should give her four days to fully recover.
I also spent too much of the day emotionally vulnerable -- angry, hurt, resentful, confused, weary -- especially weary. Weary of the drama in my children's lives and letting it in my house. Having Mommy, along with Daddy, here for dinner Wednesday evening was just too ... difficult.
I think it's the falling back into old patterns that disturbs me. I need to determine what I want from my children when they come to our house and then insist on it.
Acknowledgment of what we are doing -- and have done -- for them would be a start. An expression of gratitude. A contribution to the meal! An offer of help, a show of concern, anything that reveals an awareness of the rest of us.
Enough of that.
Sakura is using her fingers to figure out even the simplest addition problems -- facts she knew before the Christmas break. Yesterday she told Nicky our 10-digit phone number and Pat said he had told her in the car just a a couple of times. So she can memorize numbers, unlike her Nana! I'm thinking just rote memorization would be the best and plan to make that her project for these next four days. I started talking about it last night and told her she would receive one dollar for every set of facts memorized - the twos, threes, etc. When she learned them all -- addition and subtraction -- she'll have $20 to buy a toy. I suspect it won't take her long with her little sponge-like mind. We'll see.
The photos: Sakura entertaining the boys during the "arsenic hour" before supper. Really only about a half hour, but it's so helpful when she stoops to watching Elmo videos on the laptop with them. It's the only screen time the boys get.
Friend Judy stopped by and left, among other things, three cardboard trays which became a train. Sakura labeled each car with the their names and "first, second, third." Who needs television?
The morning symphony begins. All are awake upstairs. Time for coffee.

Wednesday, January 13
Morning
I'm at home. Alone. Pat took the kids to school and daycare. After he made a fire. Sunrise is pink. Hard to believe I used to spend every morning like this.
Sakura awoke coughing and has that "I'm getting a cold" look. Matt was crabby and kept pointing to his mouth and saying it hurt. Tooth? Nick was peachy. Pat seemed some better, although still congested. I think I'm on the mend.
This morning is laundry -- natch; making yoghurt -- we need it with all the antibiotics we're on and I hate to buy it when I can make it from our own milk; preparing choir practice. Then I pick up Sakura and go to Planet Gym for their Community Building Exercises; then pick up the boys; get everyone bathed and psych myself up for dinner with ... Daddy AND Mommy. They're both coming here to babysit while Pat and I go to choir. I heard Sakura explain very clearly to Nick that Mommy and Daddy are friendly again, but that "we'll always, always live here ... until we're old." Works for me.
I did have a good talk with Mommy yesterday that she initiated. She's still set on going into the army and acknowledges that the kids will be with us "for a long time."
Next thing is to establish a few new workable patterns. Mommy and Daddy show up with bags of sweets or "bug juice" or some other awful stuff to eat. And they correct the kids in inappropriate ways. Hard to make the switch for them that the kids are ours to feed and correct now, but I think we can get there.
Best case scenario: That down the road we can "co-parent" with Mommy and Daddy who are able to take the kids for an overnight or weekend in their neat-enough, clean-enough, safe-enough home. We're a ways from that but it's not a bad goal. Onward!
Tuesday, January 12 - Happy Birthday, Nate
Late Morning
Today is my youngest son's birthday -- 25 years old. He, my most out-spoken son, once remarked, "You're a better grandmother than you were a mother." Ouch. I could only agree with him. I suppose a compliment, of sorts. Better to be getting better than not, right?
Friend Jane, grandmother of many, told me when my first Grand was born, that a Grandmother's love is the most like God's. It is a less complicated love, knowing as we do how passing each phase is, how quickly they grow up. We worry less that their faults reflect on us. There is more genuine delight, more laughter, more fun. For me there is more enjoyment in just being with them. When my sons were little I wasn't settled enough in myself to be happy just hanging with the children. Now, I really enjoy their companionship.
That same Friend Jane has a formula regarding her responsibility for her adult children's well-being. It goes something like, one hundred percent responsible up to age 18; between 18 and 25 - fifty percent responsible; and for age 25 and beyond -- responsibility? Nada.
This formula is not only freeing for the less-than-perfect mother, but also the son or daughter. There are those who spend their whole lives with "victim" as their primary identity. Leaving that identity behind is one of the tasks of growing up. And it's liberating.
So, 25-year-old Son of Mine, be free!

Afternoon
A good writing session at BreadCo. It is a privileged way to make a living. Will pick up Sakura in an hour and then the boys. I'd like to get them home before dark just to give them a bit of extra time before bed. I would love to live where the days are long.

Bedtime
We went to friend Mary's who worked with Sakura for over an hour on make-up work that she missed yesterday. Sakura is perky today and worked willingly. Picked up two happy boys at 5:30, came home and threw together supper from left-over meatloaf, mac & cheese, lentils, raw cauliflower and frozen strawberries for dessert.
The boys were jammied and in bed by 7:00. Discovered that Nick could "read" all of "Brown Bear, Brown Bear"  to me. He's got an ear. Sings well, too. Sakura did three more pages of math and then I read her "The Rag Coat" -- story about a miner's daughter who couldn't go to school until her mother's quilter friends made her a coat from scraps. Of course, her classmates made fun of her until they discover that the rags are from their old favorite blankets and baby clothes and that each carried with it a special story.
Tomorrow an event I've planned is happening -- a Community Building Afternoon at Planet Gymnastics. It's in the first grade that patterns are formed -- who's popular, who's bullied and who's the bully, etc. My hope is that the leaders of these afternoons -- every other month on "early dismissal Wednesday" -- can help the children experience Community as superior to the safe twosomes and threesomes they gravitate toward now.
It's disheartening to realize children can be so mean to each other. It's devastating to discover that your own beloved child can be equally mean. How do you raise a child who doesn't need to be the first, the best, and with the most?

Monday, January 11
Afternoon
There are times when just to be able to go to the bathroom alone and without hurrying is a luxury.
I think we are emerging from the worst. The temps are warming up outside. The sun is shining. The kids are all fever-free and will return to school and daycare tomorrow. Pat has some energy and is going to want to return to work tomorrow, too, but I'm thinking he should wait a day. He's still no where near his usual energetic self. I'm fine. Amazingly fine. Thankfully fine.
I  miss writing -- real writing. I find myself glancing longingly at my laptop as I whiz by with a broom or a load of laundry or a boy who needs a fresh diaper.
I miss just being with the kids, too. So often I'm about maintenance -- feeding, clothing, medicating, bedding, homework, doctors appointments, transportation. I get to the end of the day and realize that I didn't really have a conversation with Sakura or just sit and cuddle Matthew or do puzzles with Nick.
After baths I try to just give them a little skin -- just stroking and massaging. And we do read every night before bed and there's cuddle and conversation time then. But a whole day of maintenance -- yuck.
Today the three of them have played together well. It's a hoot to hear them in conversation, especially as Matthew joins in. I'm not sure what the game was under our kitchen table, but here's a pic of it. Gotta love those bright eyes.

Evening
Finally, a meal around the table together. We've been eating near the woodstove for warmth, but it's warmer out today. And the last couple of days someone has been sick. But tonight -- baked fish, fried potatoes, broccoli, carrot sticks -- and all ate well.
After naps friend John came to carry wood up to the house for us. Pat is feeling much better, but milking the goats was enough activity outside. After "Mr. John" arrived, Sakura came downstairs and announced, "Nana, I have on three pair of pants, four shirts and three pairs of socks. Can I PLEASE have a snow day?!" So I let her go out for about twenty minutes. She didn't seem worse for wear and all will go to school tomorrow. Yayyy. 
According to their Facebook pages, Mommy and Daddy have made up. I'm calmer about this. I figure more love is always better than less. As legal guardians we have a lot of control over how this affects the grands. So ... I'm cool. Cautious, but cool.

Sunday, January 10
Afternoon
We've been visited by the plagues of Egypt. Well, some of them. My foot and ankle are not broken. Pretty bruised and sore, but I'm moving about. Thank Heavens!
This morning as I was changing Matthew, I found that he had a splinter in his big toe -- about a quarter inch. Pat came in to help me hold him down so I could get it out and that's when I noticed that Pat was a sort of gray/green. He has headache, body ache, fever, chills, and upper respiratory stuff. H1N1 most probably.
So I got the two Bigs out to church, left Matthew cuddled in Pat's bed with lots of books. We came home with Friend Mary and our personal Florence Nightingail, Nurse Carol. She listened to Sakura's chest - still some rattling, so probably no school tomorrow. Pat's lungs are clear, but she recommended Tamiflu. For some reason it's being reserved for the most at risk, but I talked his physician into it, mostly by whining and telling her about the three grands living with us.
Nick and Matt seem mostly fine and will go to school and daycare tomorrow, giving Pat a chance to rest -- and me, too. I'm pooped. Doing my chores and his is an eye-opener to just how much we really depend on each other. That's good, I think, but really hard when one of us is down for the count.
Note about the pics: Matt wearing his sister's water shoes (on the wrong feet) and playing with a piece of plastic tubing I found in a store. I gave one to each of them on St. Nicholas day and they've found innumerable ways to use them. Nick is cocooning with his Doodle, a toy recommended by friend Kathy and bought at a consignment store for a couple bucks. Excellent toy, particularly in the car, but also just sitting around on the couch. Look at NIck's eyes -- you can tell he's feverish. Sakura and Papa, both with headaches and tired.
Got some nice notes from readers of GranDiary. Good to know that folks are out there reading it and have so much to share of their own experience raising kids, grandkids, great(!) grandkids, and so on. Thank you, folks.

Saturday, January 9
Very Early Morning
"When does night end and day begin?" asked the rabbi.
"When it becomes light enough to walk along the path without the use of a lantern," answered one disciple.
"When you can see someone approaching in the distance," answered another.
"When the stars fade from the sky," answered a third.
The rabbi shook his head. "When you look into a stranger's face," he said, "and recognize them as your dear brother or sister -- only then has the day begun."
I want to raise compassionate, empathetic, kind children of the light. Only way to do that is to be that. God help me.
I went to the doc yesterday and was given antibiotics for a sinus infection. Also weighed in. Boots and clothes weigh 20 pounds, right? Sigh.
I'm not taking good care of myself. I want to raise healthy, happy children. Only way to do that is to be that.
I'm anxious. Daddy and Mommy spent the day -- and night -- together. Talking. 
It should be good news and certainly, if civility, even friendliness, is possible, it IS good news. But I'm so afraid. He's lonely. She's hitting bottom.
I'm remembering disorder, chaos, a trashed house.  Children foraging for breakfast among spoiled food, open bags of chips and candy. Children locked in their room while Mommy slept. Children with unwashed hair wearing unwashed clothes. Piles of dirty laundry, used diapers, trash, roaches, the smell. Unpaid bills, bounced checks, bill collectors.
It was bad.
There was no direct abuse. There is a lot of affection. Attempts to help them become providers and good care-givers failed. Raising the children is so much easier, more satisfying, even less exhausting, than raising the parents.
I don't want to go back to that and I'm anxious. I feel like I'm being drawn into some lowlife drama. This is the downside of this new life we've taken on.
When does night end and the day begin? Perhaps when we can find the way to live, to negotiate these difficult times, so that no one suffers a broken heart.
(Or maybe it's when you can look at a goat and see that it's Sparkle and her little boy, Max -- like the picture at left.)
Sorry to be so heavy this time. It's a real part of this new life of ours.

Late Afternoon
Daddy came this morning to be with the kids and Pat and I had our first day out alone for quite a while. Met friends at the local coffee shop and talked for hours; then errands and lunch together. Nice.
One problem: I fell. Not hard -- actually quite gracefully, I like to imagine. But I bent back my left ankle, the one that hurts most of the time anyway, and ... well, I don't know. I'm writing with it elevated and iced, but ... I'm so afraid I have a fracture. I have an hour to decide to go to UrgentCare today  or wait until tomorrow. I hate to leave Pat with the three kids. I hate to spend so much of our HSA (Health Savings Account) if a visit and x-ray isn't necessary. But ... I really don't want to wait too long and do any damage.
It terrifies me to think of being incapacitated.
If you're a praying person, send up one for me, please!
Thursday, January 7
Late Morning
Snow Day! We would all be home anyway, what with Sakura recovering from pneumonia, Nick recovering from ear surgery, Matt with a runny nose, Pat still sick with ... something. I'm worried about bronchitis or pneumonia. No fever, but his cough is really awful.
Anyway, the snow is awesome -- so beautiful and calming. I say that, having just done Pat's outside chores -- fed and watered the goats, chickens, birds, dog and cat; took in the trash cans, shoveled the steps. God in Heaven, it's cold. Ten degrees by the thermometer, but the wind is increasing. It even sounds cold.
I've been thinking about our experience at the hospital yesterday. I remember being sick when I was ten -- actually not sick, but my parents thought I was.  A chest x-ray showed something suspicious and they thought I was facing the removal of part of my lung. Turned out to be scar tissue from allergy attacks.
Anyway, I was in the hospital for several days for "observation." No way one would do that now. What I remember is that my parents came to visit, as did other parents with their children, but no parent stayed all day and all night. The nurses took care of the kids -- feeding, washing, even amusing. 
When did that change? And why?
When son Nate was in a car accident a few years ago, I stayed with him, slept in the next bed, washed him, fed him, helped him to the bathroom, etc. The nurses checked his meds, checked the monitors, responded to me if I thought he needed more pain meds or some other treatment.
When young people go into nursing, do they imagine providing direct care and comfort or do they imagine ... I don't know ...  record-keeping? Something has thrown up barriers between us. In many ways to the good, but not without consequent losses. Consider car seats and those heavy, awkward things people carry their babies in. That's pretty far removed from carrying your baby in a sling close to your heart. Or consider priests who long to counsel, comfort, hear confessions, provide the sacraments, but end up being the CEO of a million-dollar organization called a parish (and without a heck of a lot of training either).
Maybe too much time to think as I watched Nick sleep and barf? He's great today, by the way, playing trains and alternately wooing and pushing away his brother.
Just a note about the pics: the front of our house; the back, taken out the kitchen window; and my favorite snow day activity. Note: I've learned to split the screen on the laptop so that I can answer email or some other not too demanding activity, while the kids watch short KidVids on YouTube. If you try this, be present at all times. There's some real sicko stuff out there disguised as Sesame Street material.


Wednesday, January 6
Early Afternoon
I'm writing from Nick's recovery room. He came through the surgery -- adenoids out / ear tubes in -- but is still groggy and cranky and a bit barfy. He's had more ear infections than we know about as he never has pain with them. We've found them on routine check-ups. Might account for his speech difficulties if the fluid on the ears muffles our speech. Hope these tubes will do the trick.
While he was in surgery Pat brought Sakura to her doc where she was diagnosed with pneumonia and a throat infection of unknown origin. Heavy-duty antibiotics should take care of it. No more school this week for them -- but the snow is about to fly, so that's okay.
To round out the picture, Pat has the worst cold and cough of his life. He usually has such strong resistance to illness that even when he does catch something it is short-lived. Caring for three children has tampered with his immune system, we think. Hard to accept that, but it's probably true.
Matt is hanging in there. As am I.
Daddy was over last night and we talked a bit about Christmas and what it was like being together with Mommy after not seeing her for so long. Hard, in a word.
He's struggling to put his life back together. His virtue is stability -- willing to stay at the same job, in the same home, with the same friends, past the time when it's healthy. His world has become very small and I wish for him the courage to travel a bit, to welcome adventure.
Mommy, on the other hand, moves on whenever things get boring or uncomfortable. She's lost her job, can't find another, old employers will not hire her, already bored with where she is living. It's tough. She's bright, but not self-reflective so boredom comes easily. For her I wish the grace of faithfulness, the desire to dig deeper and solve her problems in the here and now and not the fantasy land of the greener hills beyond.
If I have to choose between adult children and the Littles, give me the latter every time. They may not use the toilet properly or zip, buckle, snap, button or tie, but their problems are smaller.
Time to see if the Little Guy can manage the car ride home. Been here for six hours. Fortunately Friend and Chaplain Mary brought me a tuna sand and coffee. Yay! It's the little things.
Like to get home and back out to the pharmacy before the snow flies. They're talkin' 5 to 7 inches and lots of wind. Be nice to be cozy and inside for the duration.
Peace from our house to yours.

Sunday, January 3 - Celebration of Epiphany
Afternoon
A perfect Sunday so far. Our parish changed the time of the Mass the choir sings from 10:00 to 9:00. That earier hour is so much easier with our kids. They're up early anyway and to come home and have a big breakfast and then naps ... heavenly. I hope it works for others as well. The church was full, but not uncomfortably so.
Today we put away Christmas -- take down the tree, put away all the decorations, listen to Christmas music and read the favorite Christmas books one more time, play with toys that are only out at Christmas. Perhaps this is a tip?

It Works for Us!
+ Live seasonally. Let the children experience the seasons by playing seasonal games and with seasonal toys, wearing seasonal clothes. Some of this is forced by the weather or the school year, but so many folks live with everythng available all the time. It makes sense to rotate toys by season. Put away the wooden trains and legos for a month or two in the summer. Then they come out fresh and new and you didn't even  have to buy something. Eat seasonally, too. We do freeze from the garden to eat all year 'round, but there is nothing like that first spring strawberry or summer tomato. In the fall it's pumpkin and other squashes, cabbage, lettuces. In winter it's brussel sprouts - picked on Christmas eve. If you find brussel sprouts bitter, you've never had them fresh picked in winter - sweet, sweet, sweet.

+ Another tip has to do with bath time. Each of our kids has one towel. It's a special one made for them out of a bath towel and a hand towel sewn to one side of the larger towel to make a hood. Part of a favortie baby blanket lines each hood - pink for Sakura, natch; yellow for Nick, blue for Matt. Each child has one and it's the only one they need. Pat and I each have two towels and all our bath linens are white -- easier to bleach or add bluing to the water to make them look nice for longer. Five towels, plus wash cloths, hand towels and bath mat, make a load of laundry twice a week. EasySchmeasy.

Time for me to get busy. Tomorrow starts the school routine so there are backpacks and clothes and car breakfasts to get ready. More about that another time.
It's been a good Christmas break. I discovered that living with three Littles for a week without school or daycare is not only possible, but really pretty enjoyable. Lucky me.
Happy Epiphany to you and yours. Bring on the light!
Friday, January 2
Afternoon
Spent the morning in my study, preparing for a meeting on Monday while Pat took the kids on an outing to MFA. We find that one outing a day, no matter how small, is just right for the kids and for us.
I'm thinking of adding a little feature to this page - a sort of "tips" section that will appear once in a while. For now I'll call it ...

It Works for Us!
Here's a small one:
+ Don't call it "nap time." Call it "Read and Rest" or "R&R." The principle is the same, but kids don't resist quite so much.

Paige Byrne Shortal
GranDiary 2010 - Winter
See GranDiary 2009 Fall for previous entries and photos or GranDiary Lent 2010 for current entry.  Thanks for stopping by.
Friday, January 1 - Happy New Year!
Early Afternoon
Our new year began with the sound of three giggling children. Not a bad way to greet 2010.
After breakfast I took Nick to Mass with me while Papa stayed home with a slightly feverish Sakura and nursing his own cough. Matt is fine, but not quite manageable at church just yet. Nick, on the other hand, sat with the tenors in the choir, held his song sheet, stood and sat with the men and behaved as if he had been singing in the church choir for years. He is an easy child, as long as he has the small vehicle of the moment clutched in one hand.
I suppose some would find Mass on New Year's Day to be an imposition, but I'm glad to start out the New Year praying and singing with my community. Church was quite full, even on this very cold day (15 degrees!).
Resolutions? Still thinking about them. Any suggestions?

Late Evening
After a New Year Day's dinner of lasagna and salad, ice cream and peaches, I let the kids open their presents from  my sister, Great Aunt Lisa. She got them each a bilibo -- a toy I saw in a catalog and researched a bit. Just an unstructured toy -- like kids playing with a cardboard box. They messed around with them for two hours and I'm sure they'll be at it again tomorrow morning.
I'm happy on this first day of 2010. Content. It's been four months today since the babes moved in and we've become a little family. I'm grateful ... for Pat who has grown so much into this new role; for supportive family, friends and readers; for the children, who have made the greatest adjustment and pretty gracefully. Here's to 2010.

Friday, January 8
The Wee Hours
I remember enjoying the night when the sons were young. I seem to feel the need for time alone as much as I need sleep. Got up to cover the kids and, as Nick was awake and wanted a drink, gave him another dose of his antibiotic. Only a childless guy would prescribe medication "every eight  hours." Probably related to the childless guys who think boys and girls both reach the "age of reason" at seven. Girls probably. Boys ... not so much.
Speaking of such differences, we are using these snowbound days to advance Nick's toilet-learning. He arrived here without using it at all. We finally taught him to do his poops in the toilet, using M&Ms for bribes. Yesterday I put him only in sweatpants, set the timer for progressively longer periods -- 60 minutes, 80 minutes, 90 minutes -- and he willingly stayed dry and earned two M&Ms for each use of the potty. Wahoo. He may be in diapers at night until he can pay for them with his allowance, but we'll save a bundle during the day.
Pressure's on with Matt. We'd like to enroll him in SFB preschool next year, but he must be out of diapers. Summer is an easier time to do this and he'll be three on July 10. This summer the Grands will be 3, 5 and 7. Great fun ages.
Latest is that Mommy is joining the Army.  Not a bad idea necessarily -- order, discipline, purpose, community, training, not to mention income -- all needed in this case. But we'll see. I only hope to control how and when this is presented to the kids. Not until it's a done deal.
From the windchill advisory: Those planning to venture outdoors should use common sense and dress warmly... making sure that all exposed skin is covered. Hmmm. Is it still exposed after it's covered?


Monday, January 25
Early Morning
Awoke early and rested. Good to be showered and coffeed before the Littles are awake.
After checking email, got on edline to check Sakura's calendar for the week. Her teacher is phenomenal at keeping on top of paperwork. Kids' grades / progress reports are entered every week, available to be checked by the folks at home. Also a weekly newsletter that describes activities for the week.
Tomorrow is Toy/Game Day. Apparently as a reward for good behavior goals, the kids may bring a favorite toy or game to be shared with friends in the late afternoon during an extra recess.
Why does this scare me? I'd bet the farm that most of the kids will come with their DS or DSLite or DSi, or whatever the heck they are, and pair off. There's already so much going on in that class that's clique-ish, that I'd like to emphasize whole-class games.  What can we bring in that would off-set the draw of those little time-suckers? Hmmm ... maybe I'll offer to come in and help supervise games of TWISTER. That could be a hoot and at least four kids can play it at a time with a fifth handling the pointer and calling out "Right Foot Red!"
About the photo: a friend from India sent an email with awesome photos of fruit. This one is so lucious that I thought I'd share it as a virtual snack. Mmmmm.
There's a homily in a fruit salad -- something about variety and abundance and the availability of the simple things.
Friday, January 29
Morning
Well, it's going to be a good day. After a week of Potty Wars, including two(!!) pants-filling moments yesterday, Nick pooped in the potty this morning! Only after I caught him in the act and ushered  him into the bathroom, but maybe we've broken the cycle. I gave him his M&Ms as a reward and, as I write, he's muttering to himself about being a Big Boy and going poop in the potty.
Haven't heard from Mommy in over two weeks. She doesn't answer her phone. Phil says she's been sick. I finally contacted the women she's living with via Facebook and I'm hoping I'll hear from one of them or that she will get the message to call.
I admit, there's a bit of relief, but more concern. For seven years I talked to her almost every day, usually more than once a day. It seems so strange fand sad or her just to walk out of our lives. I'm sure she's suffering -- letting her children go as she has, getting evicted, then fired, crashing with relatives, nothing of her own. I hope something strikes home and she turns around-- she and Daddy both.
One of my editors contacted me about writing a book on raising the Grands. We'll see. I'm also working on a shorter article. I've got contacts in three regions of the country to interview, but could still use someone in the eastern and/or southern regions of the country who are raising their grands. Let me know if you know of anyone, okay?
After almost a week of good health in the family, one of us is sick -- me! Came down with a cold yesterday, sneezing my head off. Finally took some benedryl and crashed. Almost fell asleep while reading Goodnight Moon - the best children's book ever!
Friends John and Carol came over last night to spend time with the kids and John brought homemade pizza. OhMyGosh it tasted good! What good friends they have become. I hope my getting stoned on meds while they were here doesn't put them off too much.
Photos: It's been very cold, but Sakura got out a bit yesterday. Here she is with a fallen limb she found. She's such an outdoorsy girl. I love it.  She also loves animals. Here she is cuddling with Patches the Cat. And all three Grands at breakfast this morning. Don't they look cozy?

Evening
Well, Nick's potty poops were short-lived. Filled his pants later in the morning. Arrgghh. Talked with a visitor from Parents as Teachers who comes to work with Matt and she seems to think we are responding correctly to Nick's regression. I hope so. She also wants to screen Matt next month and thinks he might qualify for special pre-school because of his speech delay. He's way ahead of where Nick was at this age, but still behind his peer group. He'd be in the same program that Nick goes to now and it is awesome. We'll see.
Had a talk with Daddy today. We're waiting for Mommy's W-2 forms to file their taxes. Their tax refund is how they are repaying us for all of the childcare bills we paid. It irritates me that they have been casual about getting these to us. Sigh. I think we've made progress though.
Weekend promises to be busy. Tomorrow we walk with our group at 8:00 AM, followed by coffee, a little grocery shopping and maybe lunch out together. Sunday is church, school tour for Catholic Schools Week and breakfast at the school, then home to prepare for a birthday dinner for ten. Sakura will be seven on Monday. Yowzer!

Monday, February 8
Morning
Flawless morning -- except for the 5:30 call announcing that the Union schools are closed. Borgia is having school so Pat took Sakura in and the boys to Creative Kids (daycare). We owe them some time. Our agreement is that we will bring the boys in an average of three days a week. Last week we only brought them two days so this week we have four coming and tomorrow promises to be more difficult driving.
Sleep-deprived today. Last night Pat and I watched a movie -- nothing worth recommending, but okay. Rated PG-13. On Saturday night I told Daddy that he could let the kids watch one movie. This is a departure from zero-screen-time policy which we still adhere to. Honestly they never, ever ask. Anyway Daddy loves movies and the kids associate him with watching stuff so I told him okay.
On Saturday night Sakura couldn't sleep and told me about a girl getting killed and the "monkey king." Turns out Daddy brought a PG-13 movie called THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM. I watched a little last night online and I was shocked, saddened, afraid. It was so inappropriate for little children that it scares me that someone who watches "my" children could think it good entertainment. Very violent, sexual inuendo, foul language.
It being the middle of the night I began to think maybe we're wrong for leaving the children alone with either parent ever. Then the thought -- but what will we do? We can't afford evening sitters on top of daycare and tuition. We have choir practice every week and there are other work-related or social occasions in the evening. We have no Nana and Papa to call on and I think the kids need to see their parents. Maybe not be alone with them -- I'm not sure how safe and happy they feel in their care. Their ideal is that we all live here together and Papa and I take care of everyone. Yowzer!
Not sure where all this is leading.
Just one pic today -- Matt in his jammies. Is there anything more cuddly than a little guy in footy pajamas?

Suppertime
Pat is cooking supper and magically entertaining Matt at the same time. That's usually the non-cook job, but both seem to be getting along fine. Nick is looking at a new fire engine book I found at the library. Sakura is not doing her homework. I'm so hoping she learns the lesson -- soon, Lord, ok? -- that getting it done is the only way to gain power over a distasteful tasks. On Mondays there are tears and a LOT of muttering. We eat supper when it's ready and she remembers that, "Oh yeah, they will eat without me" and gets it done. Tuesdays and beyond are fine. Maybe by the time she has a serious amount she will have the lesson ingrained.
Supper is bangers and mash - as the Brits say. We say sausages and mashed potatoes with salad and carrots. Pat is the most awesome cook!!!
She's singing her math problems to herself. A good sign.
Sunday, February 14 - Happy Valentine's Day
Afternoon
A mixed day thus far, but too ... embarrassing? frustrating? personal? to write about the difficult parts. Maybe someday. Suffice it to say, raising grands does not always lead to the most Valentine-y of sentiments among the princpals.
But ... Mass was great. It's the last Sunday before Lent so we sing it up with lots of upbeat Alleluias. And this evening we're having a little Valentine's / Thanksgiving in February Dinner. Grandpa Bob is coming out and Aunt Bessie (Friend Mary) is already here. Four other friends are joining us to make for a full table and a good time. We're fixing turkey, sweet potatoes, mashed white potatoes, brussel sprouts, snap peas, rolls and plenty of drinkables. Friend Ann is bringing a layer cake and I'm sure the others will add something yummy. A good way to celebrate the Sunday before Lent.
No school tomorrow -- Presidents Day. I had the idea of getting a room at the local Super 8 Motel for Grandpa Bob and then we will take the kids swimming in their warm pool tomorrow. Should be fun and a good way to enjoy the day off. Had to use it as a bribe to get Sakura to lay down for 30 minutes. At what point in one's life does it cease to be a punishment or an imposition to be told to do nothing but take a nap?! I did sit with her a minute and told her to just pay attention to how awful she felt and assured her that a 30-minute nap would make all the difference.
One moment I don't want to lose: Sakura took the CD player upstairs and played some lovely music from an Anime sountracks. I went up to check on them and they were all three in the boys' room, listening intently -- Nick sitting on his bed, Matt curled up in the basket where we keep their stuffed animals, and Sakura stretched out on her back, eyes closed, clearly in deep meditation. It was profound. I would have snapped a photo, but it would have been an intrusion. It was a religious moment. So important to channel those sensibilities toward the Right and Good.