Pentecost Sunday - May 23
Late at Night
As today marks the end of the Easter season, I will be starting a new GranDiary page sometime this week -- Summer 2010. We've been visited with a bit of summer weather -- in the 90s and humid. Just last week we needed a fire in the woodstove to take off the chill. Easier to dress them all, though. Shorts, shirts and sandals require far less room and effort than sweaters, socks, boots, coats, hats, gloves, scarves. Next winter they will be a year closer to managing their own zippers.
I'm more anxious about the end of school, hoping we can find a routine that works for all of us. With kids the only constant is change.
After church and a bit of the parish SpringFest, we brought home a truck we may buy from a friend, choir member, and used car dealer. Pat's little Ford Ranger just doesn't cut it with three kids and by next school year we need both vehicles to be large enough to carry all of them so that Pat can drop off the kids at school on his way to work and I can pick them up. Son Dan had a mishap with his truck and our Ranger would be perfect for him so ... we decided to push up our buying by two months and trade our truck for the painting work while we're gone. He and his wife, Maureen, will stay here while we're on vacation and paint the trim on the house, the inside stairwell, and also the garage. Some unexpected royalties make possible the purchase of the truck -- thank you thank you thank you!
Anyway this new truck is bright, bright red with a second seat that is comfortable for all three kids. We took it on a test drive after supper and they're in love with "Redbud," as Sakura named it. We'll see. One disadvantage -- it's a standard and this Nana doesn't drive a stick. A fun thing -- the kids sit closer to us in a truck and we sang together the whole drive home. All three love to sing and are remarkably on pitch, even Matt.
This week -- celebrating the end of school with the kids, getting ready for travel. That's it. I'll start the Summer GranDiary in a day or two. Until then ... Happy Pentecost! Let's pray that the Good Spirit inspires all of us and keeps the bad spirits in their place -- far, far away from us and those we love.

Friday, May 21
Morning
An easy morning thus far. Today is Field Day at Sakura's school and she was super-excited. Papa took her to school and then has to stop at Lowes for wood to fix the trim on a window. I'll go in later to help serve lunch and be around. Hope the rain holds off.
While we're driving south, son Dan and his wife Maureen will stay here, take care of the animals and, as an added plus, paint all the trim on the house. Dan is an excellent painter and has done this work on the side for a while.  We'll pay him, either in cash or barter for our truck. We're looking for another pickup with a second seat so that Pat can transport all three kids. Dan's truck has gone to God and he really needs one to get to jobs. Last night Pat and Dan looked at a truck we found on Craig's list. Didn't pan out. If anyone knows of a truck that would fill the bill ....
Boys are peacefully playing Legos upstairs in their room. Time for me to get the day started, first with my Five Tibetan Rites. Someone commented that I look different - am I walking or ...? It's the Rites. I've moved from seven repetitons to fourteen and will stick to that for another two weeks. Then to twenty-one for ... the rest of my life. Google it if you're interested.

Afternoon
Wrapped a million hotdogs for the Field Day lunch and then got to hang out with Sakura for a while. Here's a pic of her with a friend. We've discouraged the "best friend" thing, suggesting she substitute "good friend." You can have lots of those. I love the tie-dyed shirts. Each class has a different color and you can find a particular class in an instant. Good spirit-builder, too.
Only three days of school left for her, one for Nick. Then it's summer schedule. I'm looking forward to it, but nervous, too. We just figured out the school routine about ten days ago!
Agenda-free night and tomorrow. Yayyy! Probably do an episode of Little House on the Prairie -- Sakura LOVES Laura -- and tomorrow, maybe find some time to put my study to rights and prepare for our car trip, leaving next Saturday. Eight nights away. Woohoo!
Thursday, May 20
Noon
I cannot believe I haven't posted since Saturday. I have been immersed in writing projects -- three deadlines this week -- and, as of fifteen minutes ago, I met all deadlines and the kids have been fed well, bathed adequately, and in school on time every day. Pat and I have been alternating evenings as we have each had evening duties. Fortunately the supper, bath, bed (and homework) routine is working so one of us can get it all done when we need to. Last night I had choir -- our usual sitters were not available so Pat stayed home -- and Pat reported that when he was dressing the kids, Matt said, "I pick Nana!" meaning he wanted me to dress him. I'm flattered as Pat is the fun one.  Last night during the boy bath he played, "heads or tails." He'd toss a coin and ask Nick, "heads or tails?" Whatever Nick would say, Pat would announce, "You won! You get to be washed first!" And so on. Whatever will we do when they're smarter than we are?
Friend Carol was in the hospital for a hip replacement. Sakura was quite anxious about her, praying for her each night at school prayer. I asked her if she was thinking about Aunt Bessie. She was the last significant person Sakura saw in the hospital and she died. Sakura said, "Yes, I'm thinking about all the people who have died in our family -- Aunt Bessie and GreatGrandpa." Bless her heart. Miss Carol is home now and we may go by for a quick visit just so Sakura can see for herself that she's okay.
Nick's last day of school is next Monday and Sakura's Wednesday. We have yet to solidify our summer plans, but I'm looking forward to it anyway. Just the bits and pieces already planned look fun. May 29 to June 6 -- a driving vacation to Padre Island where we will stay four nights in a hotel right on the beach. (Praying we beat the oil!) I'm sure there will be tough times with three Littles in the car, but we have amusements planned and I just look forward to doing one thing at a time.
I've been reading several of the Love and Logic parenting books, recommended by a reader. The chapters on chores were helpful. Here's a photo essay of Sakura ironing napkins to help prepare for Papa's birthday dinner. Look how seriously she takes the work. I wish I had a video of her after she finished. She sat down on the couch and said, "Whew! All my ironing is done!" MY ironing - I love it!
Saturday, May 15
Afternoon
No time to write much today. Been editing one project all morning and now must get ready to go sing Mass. Just wanted to post some pictures from last night -- a fun evening celebrating Pat's birthday with thirteen of us for dinner, plus the three Grands. Great food - don't you just love potlucks? - and good conversation. Lots of laughs.
Got to sleep in a bit this morning as Sakura got out clothes for the boys and organized a game in the basement with their trikes. At one point Nick was unhappy about something and I heard Sakura using a mediation method she must have learned in school. "Nicky, what can we do help you?" After which I hear Matt, "Bubby, what help you?" Nick, who was angry at Matt already, replied, "My name is NOT Bubby!" But somehow peace was restored and I didn't step in.
Photos: Miss Carol with the boys; Uncle Randy with the boys; Godfather Dave with Matt and Godmother Lucy with Matt. BTW, Sakura took all photos.
Friday, May 14 - Happy Birthday, Dear Husband!
Late Morning
It dawned rainy and it hasn't stopped coming down. Garden is happy, but enough's enough. Looks like rain for the next four days. So much for dinner picnic style tonight or a visit to the Museum of Transport on Sunday -- Pat's favorite place in the world.
Awoke this morning seriously longing for a lie-in - as they say in the British novels. And with that longing came the clear thought -- Never Again For The Rest Of Your Life. Gulp. I've got to find someone with kids who wants to trade off the occasional overnight. Fat chance.
I was looking forward to summer with the easier schedule, but I'm anxious, too. Yesterday I pulled out the summer calendar and all the activities, camps, vacation bible schools, etc. that I've saved up. Overwhelming. And I have deadlines throughout the summer so just can't spend all day every day at playgrounds or the pool. I will work it out -- just been a long time.
Pat is 55 today. He is such a marvelous person -- patient, generous, hard-working, funny, interesting conversationalist, smart. Oh, and neat -- exceedingly neat. He's easy with the kids and they adore him. As do I. Happy Birthday, Honey.
I asked Pat to pose for a Birthday photo -- here it is. He is handsome in real life. Sigh.
Wednesday, May 12
Late Afternoon
A morning of writing while Pat stayed home with Matt. Nick came home at 11:00 and I picked up Sakura at 1:00. Choir practice tonight for which I'm prepared with four new pieces to teach them. As I write I'm listening to Friend Peter's new CD. I can hardly believe I even know a person with so much talent, much less work with him on occasion. It's a brilliant effort -- some original compositions, all original arrangements of familiar tunes. If you like Christian music, let me know and I'll arrange to send you one. Cost is $20 for 22 songs or 77 minutes of listening.
Last night a storm was coming so the kids and I picked strawberries while Pat mowed. Sakura picking; our bounty; the garden gate with Pat on mower; A triumphant Nick; Papa and Matt waking on the morning after the storm. (Sakura and Matt came to our bed which forced Pat to the couch. Nick sleeps through anything.)
Tuesday, May 11
Morning
A flawless morning following a flawless evening. With just two weeks to go, we've finally mastered this school morning routine. Sigh. Sakura was over-the-top about her class field trip today -- roller skating and a picnic in the park. God bless the teachers and may no one even think "broken wrist." Yikes. Nick dressed himself top to bottom this morning and ate breakfast with nary a whine. Matt went off to school wearing his big boys and no diaper ... and a backpack full of shorts, underwear and socks. His teacher's suggestion. Pic: Matt doing his version of the Downward Dog AND showing off his Big Boys. Woohoo!
Monday, May 10
Late Afternoon
A rainy, pleasant, uneventful, productive day. I wrote until lunch and did three loads of laundry. Pat mucked out the goat barn and prepared a turkey breast for dinner. The kids were in school and daycare. Picked up Sakura at 3:00 and the boys about 3:30 -- all home by 4:00. News from daycare: Matt is ready for potty-training and I'm to bring him in underwear with extra pants and socks. Works for me. He's doing okay with it at home, too. Do I hear an Alleluia? Or maybe that's just in my own head.
Sakura is doing her homework -- she's really good about just sitting down with it without being asked, prodded, bribed, threatened or otherwise nudged. The boys are running upstairs and squealing about something not quite intelligible. I suspect tears are not far off.
Turkey with asparagus and noodles this evening. And, we hope, time to read a long story to Sakura. She misses those days.
Our dog is sneezing or maybe gagging? Any thoughts about that? He's ten years old and the best dog in the world.
Pics: This morning's breakfast bar: oatmeal, English muffins and apple juice. At 6:45 AM! Routine is good. And Sakura showing off her headband in school plaid, thanks to Friends Kathy and Olivia.
Saturday, May 8
Noon
I do love Saturdays. The kids slept until after 7:00 and played in their rooms  until almost 8:00. They played outside after breakfast. Before lunch I helped Sakura and Nick work on a few mother's day cards for Godmothers and other significant women in our lives. (I miss Mary! Sniff! On Wednesday we mailed the out-of-town ones to Mommy and Great Grandma in Texas -- my mom). Then lunch and now rest time. Matt is singing to himself in our bed. Pat's dozing on the couch. Nick and Sakura are doing laptop time in Nick's room. Peaceful. This aft we'll go calling on folks to take them eggs, milk, lettuce from the garden and Mom Cards, then play in the park and Chinese for supper -- Sakura's request. Like I said, I do love Saturdays.
Last night was Family  Movie Night. We watched the 1948 "My Friend Flicka." Sakura is horse-crazy and the boys like any movie with animals in it. Made popcorn and the kids had apple juice -- a treat as they usually drink water except for juice or milk in the morning. Great fun.
My sinus infection is gone and I feel good! On Monday I began a brief and simple exercise routine which I've stuck to each morning. Friend Bethany showed me these exercises two years ago, but I didn't keep up with them. I googled around and found the same routine under "Five Tibetan Rites." I've also changed my diet somewhat -- tea instead of coffee, less dairy, less sweet, less meat, less of everything really (except the popcorn last night!). I feel better even though it's only been six days. Looking forward to when I am able to increase the exercises from seven each to 14, then 21. I just have to stay healthy and strong for these little ones -- and for myself and Pat, too.
Monday, May 3
Morning
Back to the Morning Olympics. Instead of dressing pro and leading a few hundred people in morning prayer, it's getting the Grands dressed, fed and out the door. Not sure which is the more strenuous.
I want to find a way to balance all the duties this month: a LOT of writing against deadline; SFB work, including Confirmation tomorrow night; many kid affairs, even more with it being the last month of school; and self-care. I've been sick since Holy Week -- cold, laryngitis, then a sinus infection for which I was treated with one round of antibiotics, but it's still with me and much worse. Hope to see my favorite UrgentCare doc tomorrow. It costs more, but he's a good listener and consequently a good diagnostician.
I've not been attentive to the ordinary Mom Wisdom when it comes to my self: nourishing food (and not too much of it), plenty of water, exercise, fresh air, sleep. Since the children moved in it feels like there just isn't time, but I've been sick way more than I should be. If I can't care for myself, I can't care for them. As they say on the airplane before we take off, "in the event of an emergency, put on your own mask first."
Two pics from Florida: on the gulf with Amy's (my sister-in-law) family -- it was a beautiful day and the only twenty minutes of the whole trip that we got to see the Big Water. And a pic of me and my big brother, Tony. The hats were borrowed. It was great to see him so relaxed and healthy.
Sunday, May 2
Evening
Home at last. Easy connections, but bumpy flights, resulting in an urpy Papa. Poor guy. It took two-and-a-half hours from when the plane landed for us to finally make it home because we had to keep stopping for him to be sick. Miss Carol and Mr. John were ready for us, but not desperate ... yet. And the kids were so excited to see us. All is well. Routines are back in place. It's good to be home. And it's going to be a Very Busy Week!
Saturday, May 1
Early Morning
Eight months ago today that the Grands moved in with us. Wasn't until November 24 that our guardianship became legal and that's when I started this GranDiary. Hard to believe -- eight months.
We're still in Florida -- home tomorrow afternoon. I'll be ready. It's been good here -- good work, good folks, good time alone with Pat.
We've talked to John and Carol every night and all seems very well. The second night we talked to Sakura and she told Papa, "We're having so much fun that we forgot about you." I'm relieved. I'll be happy to see them and I'm sure they will be happy to see us, but that they are not pining is wonderful. Today they are going swimming at the Y and they'll have a blast.
Bought them just small gifties from Florida -- a pair of flipflops and some shells for Sakura; rubber alligators for each of the boys; plastic shovels to go with their pails for each of them. No big deal.
We went out with my brother, Tony, on Thursday night and we'll see him and my sis-in-law, Amy, this afternoon. Spending time with Tony makes me feel more grounded -- my young past connected with today. It's probably hard to understand for those who grew up continuously in one family or in one place.
Time to get the day rolling. More tomorrow night or Monday after the great reunion.
Wednesday, April 28
Early Morning
Awoke here in sunny Florida at 6:30 am after a refreshing eight hours of solid sleep. So needed that. We're in a room with a balcony so we have "real air." Pat and I can sleep in almost any situation, but closed in is hard for both of us. Even in the winter we have the window open a crack.
Talked with Mr. John and the grands last night. Sakura was full of questions, awed that we were already in Florida and wanted me to describe the fountains, the pool, the room. "Maybe we can all go to Florida next time, Nana?" Maybe.
I'm concerned that her school work will suffer this week, but I'll drop a line to her teacher and ask her to let her make up next week any work that gets left behind. Makes me realize that I must teach Sakura the routine better -- homework back in her folder, folder into her backpack, backpack in the kitchen ready to go.
All three seemed happy and confident. I'm so grateful.
Had dinner with some of the musicians we're working with here. The wife of one works as a content provider for web sites and she talked to me a bit about "search engine optimization." I need to learn a whole new trick.
We're sending emails and pics back to the kids each day. Here's one of me and Pat at the airport. Promises to be a full day of rehearsals and I'm feeling pretty good. Thank you!
Fourth Sunday of Easter, April 25
Early Afternoon
It's on Sundays that we miss Mary the most. We try to do something a little different so it's not quite so poignant. Today, after driving to church with all five of us in the cab of our little Ford Ranger truck (serpentine belt came loose on the van) -- can anyone sing the theme song to Green Acres? -- we went to Bob Evans for breakfast. Pretty brave of us, especially as I realized I had no diapers in the truck. Let's agree that automatically flushing toilets and two-year-olds do not mix. And of course, ours was malfunctioning and flushed three times in a row with Matt on the pot. He would have made it after two, but on the third he was in my arms quivering and wouldn't go near it. Fortunately, he made it home and then ... tada ... pooped in the potty. His suggestion.
We're home and it's time for R&R - Read and Rest. Sakura and Nick are doing laptop time -- pbskids.org is their favorite. Pat and Matt are napping. I'm sitting near the fire -- turned chilly last night -- catching up on this site and making my packing list for Florida. We leave on Tuesday AM and I will feel better if everything is packed before tomorrow. With kids it's never good to leave things until the last minute. Too stressful!
I will try to post from Florida a couple of times, but won't have any pics of the kids so here are a few to tide you over.: The Sisters: Elizabeth, Carol - the Brave who will stay with our children for a week - and Ann.  They're sitting on a bench in the goats' milking parlor. Pat and Maggie demonstrating their milking prowess for Mary, Carol's niece. Matt in a diaper box -- HopingHopingHoping not to have any more diaper boxes by summer's end; the three reading along with a book on CD; and the garden. (Click Garden April 13 to compare.) Isn't that amazing? Just twelve days of growth and we have abundant lettuce and spinach for salad. Yum. I do love being married to a gardener!
Saturday, April 24
Morning
Still sick. Actually took to my bed yesterday afternoon after working all morning. Head full. Tired. I think an occasional fever. Scratchy throat. Starting to worry about this job coming up. Doing all the Mom wisdom - rest, fluids, Vitamin C (and D and B), etc.
Not sure how to write about this discretely, but did have a chat with Daddy's recent roommate who asked him to leave. Long and short of it is that he's been spending a lot more time messing with his computer games, phone, TV, etc. than looking for a job. There's more, but that's enough. I feel like a sap paying for his phone. That's it. No more.  I think we just have to realize that we are the effective parents of these babes and cannot expect help from Mom or Dad. Sad, but it's reality.
Last night was fun: ate outside and it began to rain so we huddled under the umbrella, Pat and I playing Scrabble while the kids ran in and out of the rain. Then Sakura monitored the boys' baths (she's really wonderful) while we cleaned up and then we had our first Family Movie Night. When the grands came they needed to be de-toxed from all the TV they had watched. Now we feel like a Friday or Saturday movie night would be fun. We watched "Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey" -- the three animals who found their way home through the wilderness. Great fun to share these movies with a new generation.
Pics: Sakura's decorated cap; Pat puzzling over his next word play; Sakura monitoring baths; Movie Night; Matt and Alex - taken this morning.
Thursday, April 22 -- Earth Day
Morning
Haven't posted since Monday. Bad habit for a web diary, I know. Just busy -- and sick again. I caught a virus from Matt that has turned into a sinus infection. I'm not building up my own immune system and apparently there is this nasty virus going around. Nick is coughing a bit. Matt is healing, although he had two ear infections and his reaction to the antibiotic is ... seriously messy. The Poops. Sigh. Pat and Sakura remain perky.
All went to school and daycare today for the first time since Monday, Sakura and Nick wearing their newly decorated caps (by Sakura) for Earth Day. In Sakura's school they bring in twenty bottle caps and get to wear a cap. Cute idea. We actually saved almost sixty, giving twenty to a friend who just had a new baby and didn't have time to attend to bottle caps. Pretty amazed we use that many -- although a few were found as litter. Didn't have the camera ready to show the caps. Darn.
More drama in the lives of my children. Daddy had to leave his temporary dwelling in Union and is now crashing with a friend twenty miles away. Still looking for a job, but without a car, the jobs he applied for in Union are probably not practical. There is one that looks promising and if he gets it, Pat and I will help him into an apartment. We just can't do it before he has a job.
I read an essay by Madeleine L'Engle who said families were separated by distance and small houses. I suppose that's true. We have an adequate house for the five of us, although by American standards, I suppose not. One bathroom -- who wants to clean more than one? Small attic bedrooms, but why do kids need more? But, unless I give up my study with ALL my files -- and I do work from home -- there is no room for another adult. No psychic room either. I love my sons, but the idea of incorporating them into my daily life with their various dramas and ... messiness (aacckk!) -- no. That's just not possible for us.
Today -- getting shipments ready for the job in Florida and all the preparation for leaving the Grands with friends who are staying here with us. Just the list of phone numbers is impressive. Onward! (No new pics today -- scroll up for a bunch if you haven't visited in a while.)
Monday, 19 April
Morning
There are some moments in family life impossible to capture with a camera. Like the morning Olympics. It was a good morning. The boys got eleven hours sleep, Sakura ten, so they were perky and ready for cereal, dressing, teeth brushing, backpack wearing, out the door to get Nick on the bus, Matt and Sakura (with her car breakfast -- "not car breakfast, Nana, TRUCK breakfast.") Then the drive-by as Pat races back yelling "barrettes!" and I run in, grab her barrettes and hand them off as he revs back out our lane. We're as good as any Olympic relay team. As Mary used to say, "How are we possible?!"
Called to make a doc appointment for the boys. Coughing, congestion, Matt pointing at his ear. Could be his molars, too. No fever and not sick enough to keep home from school, but ... just not right. With us going out of town next week, I want to check them out. Puts a crimp in the day, but ... part of the deal.
Must get going about the business of the day. Three pics: The three eating lunch at the picnic table and then playing on their homemade teetertotter. Love the boots. Hate her hair! She's growing it out so she can pull it all back in a ponytail, but until we're there, it's in her eyes, I guess. Girl Children are different. Third pic -- Sakura made a poster for Matt's birthday (not until July) with all of our hand prints. She added Mommy's, too.
Third Sunday of Easter, 18 April
Evening
Today was a different sort of Sunday. The choir sang the Saturday evening Mass so instead of church, this morning we made our way to Jonesburg, MO where we visited with the Mazanec side of the family -- Pat's mother's two brothers and their families. Pleasant, laid-back. Daddy spent the night and went with us. Kids are delighted to have him near.
Tomorrow while the kids are in school, Pat will till two different gardens for friends and take Daddy into Washington to apply for another job and check on getting a replacement title for his now-useless SUV. Hope to trade it in for something affordable. He's in a much better space right now. Things are looking up.
Pics to the left and below were taken by Daddy yesterday evening while Pat and I went to dinner and a play -- Once Upon a Mattress. Our babysitter and friends' granddaughter, Noel, did a fine job. She's only a freshman and had lines! Made me think about what it will mean as our kids get more involved in plays or sports or whatever. So much time driving them and waiting for them and watching them. Hmmmm. I'll worry about that when the time comes.
Been corresponding with a friend whose insights I value. She has been overwhelmed on my behalf and I wonder if I have emphasized enough the sheer delight of spending time with these children -- the sense of that God of the Second Chance or Let's Go 'Round Again. Sure, sometimes it's hard, but I don't experience it as harder than it was when my boys were young and I was thirty years younger. If anything, it's easier.  Just doesn't pay to do the math -- the when they're 18, I'll be .... Gulp! Don't go there. Be Here Now!
Saturday, April 17
Morning
It's dawned a beautiful day. All slept through the night -- yes! Last night we put the coughing boys to bed early and they went willingly -- they were tuckered. Sakura, who is now feeling great, we let stay up with us and we were going to try to watch one of the DVDs we have from Netflix. Pat and I used to watch a show or part of a movie almost every night before bed, but since the kids have come, we are so busy right up until bedtime that we haven't watched anything for weeks. Which is okay. We tried all three DVDs that have been sitting in there for a while and nothing was very good or appropriate to watch with a little girl. So I began making a list of videos to order so that we can maybe do a family movie night. What fun it's going to be to watch these with a new generation. Pat and I have never caught on to animation so we tend toward the live-actor stories. He wants to show them some of his old favorite TV series: Mr. Ed, My Favorite Martian, Lassie, Bewitched, Andy Griffith, Little House on the Prairie. I also included Mary Poppins, My Friend Flicka, Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, The Railway Children.
BTW, if you don't know Netflix, check it out at www.netflix.com. Access to everything put on DVD for one low monthly subscription and NO commercials.
There is something very privileged about this effort of ours. The Grands are settling in well and growing so straight and strong. Keeping it all in balance is challenging, but not impossible. I hope.
Today -- writing in the morning. Pick up Daddy at 1:00 and we're taking him to the AT&T store to help him pay his back phone bill. He hasn't had service for two months and it's becoming clear that he won't be able to land a job without a phone. We see that he's trying hard so we want to help him. This afternoon and evening, while he stays with the kids, we are singing Mass and then going to a high school play with friends Dan and Mary. Their granddaughter -- and our awesome babysitter -- has a role. Should be a pleasant evening.
Friday, April 16
Afternoon
On hold with my website guy. I built this website one summer -- a fun project and it made me feel like I'd learned Spanish or advanced math.
Sakura is well. Still home as we needed to monitor her for fever, but no high temps since yesterday at noon. Yes! We took the boys to one extra day of daycare -- partly because they were looking forward to "pajama day" -- got to wear their PJs and bring their favorite bedtime book -- and partly because I have a ton of work that I didn't get done while Sakura was home.
One pic: Sakura and Matt playing last night with a board and a box, making a homemade teetertotter. See what fun kids can have when there's no TV? The one thing we're missing is a water source for the kids to swim. Last year we had a cattle tank that served as a cooling off spot, but unless we can figure out how to make it Matt-proof, I don't want it set up. Too dangerous to have standing water and a Matthew. Might just have to visit the Union pool more often this summer.
Monday, April 12 - Happy Birthday, Dad
Morning
I remember a time when everyone leaving the house in the morning would send me into a panic. Those were hard days and seem long ago now. This morning the kids are at school, Pat is cutting wood on our friend's farm and hauling it back here for our stovewood for next winter, and I am home alone. Yes!
Today my dad would have been 81. He died when he was just 61. Stroke. Sudden. Sad. God bless you, Dad.
Writing and bed linens today. A good hanging-out-the-quilts day.
Saturday, April 10
Early Evening
What a glorious day. Awoke after a full night's sleep. Kids got up perky. Pat took the kids until about 10:30 AM while I worked -- mostly putting together a spring and summer writing agenda. Lots of assignments - that's good. Gotta do 'em. Sigh. Will try to keep up with this GranDiary, but forgive me if the entries are a bit sparse.
I took the kids to the local school playground along with a picnic lunch and we stayed there for two hours. Just wonderful. Sorry I forgot the camera. Started re-reading Anne Tyler's SAINT MAYBE. Good book, especially for me right now.  Have to read it to understand.
Yesterday I spent the day in St. Louis working first with my partner on a job at the end of the month and then an appointment with my spiritual director/confessor. He's a Jesuit priest friend I've known since I was in my early twenties. So good to reconnect with him.
The dynamic of spiritual direction is not unlike therapy with some similar goals, but more in the context of being alert for God's involvement in one's life. At least I think that's what it is. It's a simple process, but remarkably effective ... focusing. In any case, with all that has been going on, I thought I'd better seek a safe set of ears attached to a wise, old head. I feel privileged.
Couple photos: My new invention so that I can work on outside on the computer; Nick under crabapple tree; Sakura has discovered barettes; Matt helps Papa unload wood; Glorious Missouri Spring - our side garden. Planted everything you can see in this pic. What a fine feeling.
Easter Thursday, April 8
Morning
Routine!!! All kids at school. Pat at work. I'm in my study. God's in Heaven. All's right with the world.
For the moment. That's the thing about routine. With kids, there are no two days alike and with each season there are all these new things - clothes, toys, abilities, problems.
Today is fleshing out Easter Season music for the choir, gathering materials for a meeting tomorrow re a job in Florida with a Catholic Health Group (end of April), more stuff management. Yesterday I did go through every single item of kid clothes and there are bags and bags for Encore - our parish resale shop. Unbelievable and we don't try to collect it. Almost done with Mary's stuff, too. Went through her purse yesterday and had a little weep. Gosh I miss her.
More later on stuff and it's multiplication. For now, note this: For Easter we received twelve new stuffed animals. Four people gave to each of the three children. We were not one of the four. Bunnies really do multiply!
For now ... it's work time. And I'll bake shortbread cookies today as we seem to have finally exhausted the Girl Scout cookies and leftovers from Mary.
Photos: Sakura concentrating on gnome in garden from Great Grandma Ouida; Nick w new ball; Matt w Twinkle Twinkle Little Star book - his favorite song; Nana & Papa w new book from my Mom. The subtitle is something like 365 Creative Parenting Tips. (BTW, last three photos by Sakura.)
Easter Wednesday, April 7
Happy Birthday, Kathy!
Morning
Last night we put Mommy on a plane after dinner at the airport Pasta House. It was poignant, yet strangely pleasant. Mommy was sober, but as much excited as sad. The Grands all said Goodbye, but seemed okay. Sakura really wanted to go to a park to play and we took them to Aubuchon Park in Hazelwood, just blocks from Aunt Kathy's house (whose birthday is this very day!), played until dark, and then out for a Lion's Choice ice cream cone. (Best deal anywhere - 29 cents for a dip cone - $1.59 for the five of us.)
On the drive from the airport to the park, Sakura was singing a little made-up song of her own about following Papa's truck (we were in separate vehicles), and how Papa  has a "map in his head" and always knows where he's going; about Mommy on a plane, but she's happy now to "make a fresh start;" and about Aunt Bessie in heaven, and she's happy, too (presumably also making a fresh start?). On and on -- all the details of her life set to a little melody. Just amazing.
An interrupted night -- Matt came down to our bed, jabbering about a ghost. I let him lay with me for a little while, then gave him a drink of water and took him back upstairs to his bed. He settled down. Found Sakura sitting on the floor next to her bed, sound asleep and put her back in bed. She needs a longer bed. She's still in a toddler bed and, with all the stuffed animals she sleeps with, she needs something new. We either find a full-length bed only 30 inches wide or figure out a new room arrangement. Arrrgghh!
Another Photo from Easter Sunday: Nick with Miss Carol. He is more spontaneously affectionate with her than with just about anyone. Maybe it's the like smiles?
Easter Tuesday, April 6
Morning
Gonna be a busy ol' day, but it's beautiful out right now. Nick starts back to school. Matt and Sakura will stay home this morning. After naps we will pick up Mommy, take her to a doc appointment, and then to the airport to catch a 7:30 flight for El Paso. I just didn't feel good about her spending 27 hours on a bus traveling alone. Of course, at 21 I hitchhiked all over the country, but there was no Mom figure to tell me not to and times were different then. Maybe.
I'm more comfortable with this move; comfortable in that it's really not my decision and I think it will bring a certain amount of peace to all concerned -- Mommy, Daddy, Grands, me and Pat. There is a lot of drama borne of uncertainty whenever Mommy is involved. I think we need some peace and predictability -- as much as is possible with three Littles.
BTW, Matt seems to be figuring out the potty thing. Well, not potty. He drops his diaper when he feels the urge to urinate -- where he is -- front porch, inside porch, outside grass (that's the best). Maybe I can get Alex the Dog to teach him to go to the fencerow. And ... wait for it ... he pooped on the potty today and it was his idea. So ... maybe he will be ready for SFB preschool by Fall. What a ton of money we'll save when we don't buy diapers. Wah-hoo.
Can you stand another photo of a goat? (How about Dances with Goats as the title for my little photo essay? Scroll up if you missed it.) Here's one of me with Annie, bringing her home from her long honeymoon. She's With Kid, possibly two, but I still don't have a really "practiced" eye when it comes to goats. The most common is twins. Second photo is of the Grands wearing their sunglasses from Auntie Doris. As usual, Matt is marching to his own accordion.
Easter Monday, April 5
Early Morning
Most days feel like two. These last few seem like three each. Just a lot of living packed in the waking hours. Speaking of which, I have too many. The steroids for the voice make for light sleep and not enough of it. But it passes.
Yesterday I think we had a record number for our Easter Sunday dinner. All of the usual family plus Dan's inlaws and several friends added up to ... 27, I think. It was a gorgeous day, good food, interesting mix of folks, and a homey ending to a week filled with church celebrations.
Looming over the day was Mommy's impending departure for Texas. When to tell the children. I thought it should come from her. I didn't want it to be in the middle of our celebration. Finally I decided I would drive her the hour-round-trip to where she is staying with a friend and take Sakura with us. Mommy told her in the car.
A strange flashback: my mother had to leave our family when I was fourteen and she told me in the car. I remember that I couldn't catch my breath.
Sakura seemed very mature, almost matter-of-fact. But on the way home with me she sobbed. She perceives how far away Mommy will be, how life-changing this is. It's so much change: losing her home, then Aunt Bessie, now Mommy.
For many years after my mother left, I was "the girl whose mother left her." Then on a retreat we were given an exercise. We were to partner with someone and each tell the other a "victim story." My partner said she always had to take out the garbage. I said my mother left me when I was fourteen. Then we had to retell the story, but "from a position of strength." I did, and with amazing results. I wasn't helpless at fourteen. If given the choice, I would have chosen to stay with my father and sister in Germany. I could have played out the next decades differently. That exercise led me to be a person who was not a victim, but a choice-maker and my next choice was forgiveness, followed by understanding. (Not, please notice, the other way around.)
So with all that in mind, as we drove into our lane, I stopped the car. I told Sakura to look at our house, the beautiful, budding pear trees, listen to the peepers in peeper pond, see the lights on inside the house; imagine Papa reading in the livingroom, her brothers sleeping in their beds; imagine the goats and the chickens in the barn, our dog and cat, the garden ... and I told her to choose. If she could go with Mommy or stay here, which would she choose. She said, in a small voice, she would stay. And I think ... I hope ... making a choice will make her strong. I'm going to let her help me help the boys. But she can cry anytime she needs to and I hope she cries enough. Held back tears stunt our growth, I think.
I  hope and pray this is the fresh start both my son and daughter-in-law need. And that Pat and I are up for the long-haul task of raising these three little children. God gives us Easter strength.

Later, but Still Before Breakfast
Best idea yet, from my sis-in-law, Kathy: Give away seven things every weekend. I'm planning on it. Might not wait for the weekend.
Photos: Sakura, then Nick, on Easter Sunday, photos captured by Daddy. No good one of Matt - he awoke from his Easter Sunday nap a bit feverish and was kind of pooped out for the day.
And for a little comic relief: A photo series, taken on Holy Saturday, for which I'm still looking for a title - A Man and His Goats? Here's Pat with Sparkle, capturing, wrestling, then trimming her hooves, as Lovey and Maggie look on. That's Maggie licking Pat's neck. He kept asking me to distract her, but I was trying to get the photo and laughing too hard. Pretty spry, my husband, yes? When's my turn on your neck, hmmm?


Paige Byrne Shortal
Happy Easter!  Sunday, April 4

(The women) returned from the tomb and announced all that they had seen to the eleven and to all the others. The women were Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James; the others who accompanied them also told this to the apostles, but their story seemed like nonsense and they did not believe them. Luke 24:9-11

My favorite resurrection Gospel is from Luke, the one we heard last night at the Easter Vigil. In all four Gospels we hear that Jesus appeared first to women. Each account includes different details. I especially like it that in Luke the women were told to go and tell all to the men who were cowering in a room somewhere and that, after they told the story, it "seemed like nonsense."
If it were a movie, this would be the comic relief after the unbearable tragedy of the crucifixion and death. The women -- excited, all talking at once, the men trying to follow, the women getting more exasperated, the men throwing up their hands, the women daring them to come and see for themselves, then all piling out of the room, racing each other to the tomb.
The thing is, it does seem like nonsense. Well, not last night in a church full of people holding their lit candles in a darkened church, praying, singing, laughing when the fire alarm went off because we were over-incensed. We took Nick and Sakura to the 8:00 Vigil. It lasts over two hours and they were so good and attentive and proud to be there,
It doesn't seem like nonsense today either. It's easy to believe in the resurrection on a beautiful spring day in Missouri.
But lots of times it seems like nonsense.
The choice we have -- believe the nonsense. Or not. Happy Easter everyone.
GranDiary Easter 2010
My seasonal record of sharing life
with our three grandchildren.
Click HERE to begin or see other GranDiary pages.
Second Sunday of Easter, April 11
Evening
A good, full day. Pat and I had Mass at 9:00 and Sakura had the Girl Scout Mass at 11:00 so I got some good writing done in between. After the GS reception, Sakura and I came home to a quiet house where the boys were napping and Pat was out on the tractor. Read and then shared a little "girl time" with Sakura as we did our nails. Fun. Picked up Daddy and brought him home for dinner that Pat fixed -- pork roast, noodles, asparagus from the garden. Had dessert outside. Just glorious weather, although our garden needs rain now.
As we were doing our night prayers, Sakura was more sober. She said she was "lonely." I asked if having Daddy here made her miss Mommy. She said, "and Aunt Bessie." She said she was worried that she would always miss her. I explained that the feeling she was describing was called "grief' and that I felt it, too, and then we both had a good weep. I told her I was glad I had her to share my grief with and she gave me a big hug. Then she went to sleep quite peacefully. Hoping to do the same.
Tuesday, April 13
Morning
So much for routine -- Sakura is sick. She seemed a bit off when I picked her up at school and by 5:00 she had a temp of 102. Responds to Motrin, but hot in the night and came to our bed. So ... a visit to the doc today and not the full day of writing I had envisioned. I just wrote about the Good Samaritan who stopped on the road to tend to the victim of robbers and I asserted authoritatively, "God is in the interruptions." Humpfh. Oh well, Sakura is good company and I can usually write in her presence. So far the boys are fine. Please let them continue to be fine ... and me and Pat, too. CanNOT get sick just now.

Later Morning
Went to the garden to cut some asparagus for my breakfast omelet. What a way to live! Two pics of the garden here - the beginning of lettuces and a close-up of the apple tree. Sakura is bundled on the couch with her laptop and applejuice as I write at the nearby dining room table. Doc appointment this aft. All is well.

Thursday, April 15
Evening
It's been two more days of concern about the little girl and strep. Took her to the doc this aft and it appears that it's on the mend, but she perhaps has a virus going on at the same time. Fevers of 102+ just don't cut it. No school tomorrow again -- that's four days missed -- and we'll hope for the best for the weekend. Doc says shouldn't be contagious after 24 hours without fever so we'll have to see about Sunday's family gathering. The rest of the weekend she'll be close to home.
In BreadCo now, as she was finally(!) hungry and asking for chicken soup. We have an hour, each with our laptops, before we have to pick up the boys. Wish I had four hours -- tons to write. Must go do that, but wanted to post at least a little. More later - promise!
Pic - Sakura doing a tea party with her stuffed bears, sitting on our patio in the warm sunshine.
Tuesday, April 27
Early, Early Morning
Startled awake from a dream. I was on our home road and ran a red light (where there isn't one really) and a police car pulled out from the trees. I realized I wasn't wearing my seatbelt, nor was Sakura. The policewoman pulled me over and I thought, "Uh-oh, now I'm really going to get it." But all she did was smile and throw a hardback book at me. Then I woke up laughing. She had "thrown the book at me."
I'm anxious. Pat and I are leaving this morning for a job in Florida. We went to bed with what Pat calls, "night before the school picnic" excitement. Everything is ready and we haven't been alone together since September 1 -- almost eight months since the Grands moved in.
But ... I feel such a responsibility. What if something happened to both of us? These children are ours and there is no one else to raise them now. And I love them so much. And they love us. They are excited about "Miss Carol and Mr. John" staying with them, but Sakura went to bed last night wearing Pat's work shirt and announced that she will sleep in it every night until we come home "because it smells like Papa ... and you, too, Nana. You and Papa smell alike." Hmmm. Marriage does that I suppose.
The boys have been acting out a bit at school -- Matt tantruming a bit, Nick getting angry and saying, "NO!" The teachers said this has been going on since Mommy left. They've endured so many losses in such a short time. We keep showing them on the calendar when we'll be home after just "five sleeps," and assuring them that our leaving isn't the same ... that we'll be back
Please God, don't let anything happen. And help me remember, that night prayer attributed to the good Pope John: "They're your kids, God," (he said Church) ... "I'm going to bed." But I realize that never again will Pat and I leave home with the ease that we did before. Bound, not only by responsibility, but by love. That's not a bad thing
Only one new photo: Sakura polishing her toenails. She has such a steady hand that I may let her do mine. So fun, having a girl child.
Friday, May 7
Afternoon
All computer time has been dedicated to meeting a looming deadline on an Advent booklet. I've been meeting my daily quota, but after I write for most of the day, it's hard to think about doing more on the computer.
That's part of why I haven't posted since Monday. There's also a family issue that is consuming, but too dicey to write about in real time. More on that later.
So ... Mother's Day. Today was the Mothers Mass at Sakura's grade school. She presented me with a beautifully printed card -- she was Very Proud of her neat printing -- that read, "Happy Nana's Day. Today is your lucky day. Nicky, Matthew and I are very happy. I love you, Sakura."
I teared up at that, but really bawled as during Mass I heard her sing right on pitch and with enthusiasm: "You are always with me. You are always there. Like a friend that I can count on you will always care."
Mother's Day is tough for a lot of people. Most moms don't live up to the gooey sentimentality of the day nor do most children live up to the (unrealistic?) hopes and dreams and expectations of their mothers. A weird day for many is weirder in our house this year. As Sakura cuddled up close to me at Mass I was overwhelmed with the sense that history repeats and repeats and REPEATS. Sakura's mommy was without a mother for a lot of her childhood and she went to live with her grandparents. My mother left us when I was young. And now ...? Here we are again. But, Sakura writes, "Nicky and Matthew and I are very happy." I think they are.
Pics: My mom, Sakura and me - taken last spring; my three sons when they were little; my three grands, taken last fall, shortly after they moved in.
Yep, history repeats. Friend Bethany wondered what karma compels me to mother other women's children. That's a very good question.
Sunday, May 9 - Happy Mothers' Day!
Bedtime
It was a long, full satisfying day. I awoke to the MattAlarm -- after Pat had been up long enough to make breakfast and start to feed Sakura and Nick. Just lying there listening to him in the kitchen with the kids -- so competent and comfortable and they with him -- warmed my heart. The kids brought in Nana Day Presents -- chocolates and handkerchiefs. Not exactly a surprise as yesterday Sakura insisted on telling me about them. Her hints were, "you blow your nose with them and they start with an H" and "you eat them - they're sweet and dark brown." Hmmm. Then she told me to act surprised.
Church was lovely -- full choir this morning and sounded just wonderful. After church and a quick stop at BreadCo for coffee and tide-us-over scones, we drove to Pat's sister's house where we celebrated with his mother, both sisters, and various inlaws. A simple lunch and the nearby playground made it a kid-friendly gathering. Home in time for supper, baths and early bed -- three very tired kiddoes, followed soon by equally tired Nana and Papa.
Missed seeing my sons today. Can't do it all.
A reader shared with me the "Love and Logic" parenting books by Jim Fay and Foster Cline. Found one at the local library and just glancing through it helped. Trying to break certain habits with the kids -- Nick's whining, Matt's yelling, Sakura's occasional StarPrincessPouting routine. With Nick today when he whined "I need hellllpppp" to get dressed, I just told him that he didn't have to get dressed until he was ready, but he would have to do it. He was cold so he got dressed. Then he whined again at bedtime and I just told him that whining was okay, but I had to close the door so he wouldn't disturb others. He stopped immediately. Maybe I'll start thinking about Matt's yelling next. He is One Loud Child.
Forgot my camera today so no new pics. Darn! Again ... Happy Mothers' Day all.
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